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Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music only brings benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however think that music can have a negative influence on both. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music only brings benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however think that music can have a negative influence on both. v. 4
Music is rapidly becoming a vital part of human existence as it is cherished globally. Although, some are of the school of thought that music has a positive impact on people and communities, others believe it can also have deleterious effects instead. In my opinion, music is capable of having deterimental effects on humans and their communities. On one hand, music has benefited mankind tremendously since the dawn of time. It has relaxing properties on the body, especially in its slow forms. It can even calm the fiercest of persons. In addition, it gives people a means to express themselves and has been used for centuries as a form of communication. For example, in 2011, a research carried out at the Harvard medical institute, revealed that listening to music can significantly lower blood pressure, as well as improving mood. This has been so adapted that it has recently being used to calm hysterical patients On the other hand, music tends to influence the life of its listeners, whether consciously or unconsciously. People relate to the forms of music they listen to and can change their behaviors to suit it. In this modern age, where lyrics are written without regard for moral standards, it is easy for it to corrupt young, as well as weak minds and this poses a danger to society. For instance, research has shown that people who frequently listen to music that promotes any kind of violence, tend to develop these tendencies. It also explained that communities where these forms of music are popular report high crime rates. In conclusion, everywhere around the world, music can be found in different forms. Some are of the opinion that it is only beneficial, while others believe it can also  be detrimental to individuals and the public. I believe that despite its good parts, music can influence people and their surroundings negatively.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is
rapidly
becoming a vital part of human existence as it
is cherished
globally. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are of the school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and communities, others believe it can
also
have deleterious effects
instead
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is capable of having
Possible spelling mistake found.
deterimental
effects on humans and their communities.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has benefited mankind
tremendously
since the dawn of time. It has relaxing properties on the body,
especially
in its slow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
. It can even calm the fiercest of persons.
In addition
, it gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a means to express themselves and has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for centuries as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of communication.
For example
, in 2011,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
carried out at the Harvard medical institute, revealed that listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
significantly
lower blood pressure,
as well
as improving mood. This has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
adapted that it has recently being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to calm hysterical
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
patients


On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
tends to influence the life of its listeners, whether
consciously
or
unconsciously
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
relate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they listen to and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their behaviors to suit it. In this modern age, where lyrics
are written
without regard for moral standards, it is easy for it to corrupt young,
as well
as weak minds and this poses a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to society.
For instance
, research has shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
frequently
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that promotes any kind of violence, tend to develop these tendencies. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
that communities where these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are popular report high crime rates.

In conclusion
, everywhere around the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
be found
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of the opinion that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial, while others believe it can
also
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
be detrimental to individuals and the public. I believe that despite its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
parts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their surroundings
negatively
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music only brings benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however think that music can have a negative influence on both. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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