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Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.7

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. 7
The question whether art education is necessary for children at school has drawn much attention from the public. While some people argue that teaching art subjects is a waste of time, I believe that it is significant for children to learn art-related subjects. At the outset, it is thought by a handful of people that art education at school is a waste of time. There are more important subjects that would benefit children for their future life. Science, technology and mathematics, for example, are of great significant subjects which allows students to find a good job after graduation. On the other hand, studying arts does not lead to a successful career. It is easy to see that those days, most artists have been struggling to make a living from selling their work of art. Despite the above arguments, from my perspective, learning art is necessary for students at school because of some radical reasons. Firstly, art subjects including music, drawing, painting and sculpture allow children to enter a state of relaxation. After concentration on STEM subjects, what learners need is to unwind by usefully physical activities in order to make a balance. For instance, singing a song in the musical class could bring positive emotion to students. Secondly, studying art could improve performance in other subjects. It is true that art enhances fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination and problem-solving skills which may assists children in attaining better learning outcomes. In conclusion, although several individuals claim that it is a waste of time for art education, it seems to me that having access to art classes is essential for children.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "The question".
The question whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
education is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at school has drawn much attention from the public. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is a waste of time, I believe that it is significant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn art-related subjects.

At the outset, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by a handful of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
education at school is a waste of time. There are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that would benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for their future life. Science, technology and mathematics,
for example
, are of great significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
students to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job after graduation.
On the other hand
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
does not lead to a successful career. It is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that those days, most artists have been struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living from selling their work of art.

Despite the above arguments, from my perspective, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is necessary for students at school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
radical reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
including music, drawing, painting and sculpture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to enter a state of relaxation. After concentration on STEM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, what learners need is to unwind by
usefully
physical activities in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a balance.
For instance
, singing a song in the musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
could bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
emotion to students.
Secondly
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
performance in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
enhances fine motor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, hand-eye coordination and problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which may assists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in attaining better learning outcomes.

In conclusion
, although several individuals claim that it is a waste of time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
education, it seems to me that having access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
classes is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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