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Movies are popular all over the world Explain why movies are so popular Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer v.1

Movies are popular all over the world Explain why movies are so popular Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer v. 1
In some parts of the United States (US), teenagers and children are not permitted to go out without adult supervision after a particular time at night. This restriction does not allow them to leave home alone after curfew timing unless they are with their parents or some other adult. As far as my opinion is concerned, I strongly agree with this kind of setting. First of all, teenagers and especially the girls must not leave home at night alone because it is morally wrong. We are taught to come back to the security of our homes after sunset and it is indeed a wise decision to follow this rule. A couple of months back, a young boy was kidnapped in my neighbourhood for ransom. All this could have been avoided if he was not wandering alone in the dark. Secondly, parents put such restrictions on their children for freedom concerns. Now a day, we hear a lot of terrible stories. Crime is going haywire everywhere. In this case, breaching the curfew is nothing but asking for trouble. One such example is the “Nirbhaya” case of India. A girl was brutally raped and murdered on her way back from the movies. A little caution could have saved her life if only she had been with her parents or some elder. Although her friend was with her, but he was also a teenager and was gravely injured himself. Lastly, teenagers should not be permitted for their nocturnal outings because they are not mature enough to get them out of a dire situation. In fact, sometimes they try to get into trouble just for the sake of fun. So it becomes necessary to set some ground rules for their own safety and well-being. Therefore, it can be concluded that teenagers should only go out after curfew if an adult is accompanying them. It is better for their own security. Not only it is the right thing to do, but also essential for their protection during these awful circumstances we are going through.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the United States (US),
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
and children are not permitted to go out without adult supervision after a particular time at night. This restriction does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
home alone after curfew timing unless they are with their parents or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other adult. As far as my opinion
is concerned
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this kind of setting.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
and
especially
the girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
home at night alone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
morally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. We
are taught
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to the security of our homes after sunset and it is
indeed
a wise decision to follow this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
. A couple of months
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "backs"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'back' is not always incorrect.)
back
, a young boy
was kidnapped
in my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
for ransom. All this could have
been avoided
if he was not wandering alone in the dark.

Secondly
, parents put such restrictions on their children for freedom concerns.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day, we hear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
terrible stories. Crime is going haywire everywhere.
In this case
, breaching the curfew is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
asking for trouble. One such example is the “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nirbhaya
” case of India. A girl was
brutally
raped and murdered on her way back from the movies. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
caution could have saved her life if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
she had been with her parents or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elder. Although her friend was with her,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he was
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
and was
gravely
injured himself.

Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should not
be permitted
for their nocturnal outings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them out of a dire situation. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into trouble
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the sake of fun.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it becomes necessary to set
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ground
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
safety and well-being.

Therefore
, it can
be concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
go out after curfew if an adult is accompanying them. It is better for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
security. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it is the right thing to do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
essential for their protection during these awful circumstances we are going through.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Movies are popular all over the world Explain why movies are so popular Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
339 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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