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Many old buildings are protected by law are part of a nation history. Some people think they should be knocked down and replaced by new ones. How important is to maintain old buildings. Should history stand in the way of progress. v.1

Many old buildings are protected by law are part of a nation history. Some people think they should be knocked down and replaced by new ones. How important is to maintain old buildings. Should history stand in the way of progress. v. 1
It is true that children should learn how to distinguish between positive and negative behaviours as early as possible. While some argue that punishment is a crucial part of this process, I believe that it does not simply work. The distinction between what is right and what is wrong is important for children to know how to interact with others as they develop their moral compass early on in life. Failure to do this at an early age can be dangerous not only for the toddlers and their families but also for the people around them. Serial killers and rapists are just two examples of adults that did not gain the skill of differentiating between right and wrong. Moreover this differentiation prevents a person from being victimized by others. For instance, if a child cannot tell the difference between the good and bad, they can be easily manipulated and might even become a prey to narcissists and abusers. On the other hand, although youngsters should understand that bad behaviour have bad consequences, penalizing is not the best way to make them feel so. firstly, retribution makes the child focus on the consequences, he is suffering not the effects of his behaviour on other people, which makes him more self-centred and less empathic. Secondly, when a child is punished it makes him feel like he is a bad person which is always a self-fulfilling prophecy, so he's more likely to repeat the bad behaviour. Finally punishment, regardless of its type, erode the relationship between children and their parents or teachers making them more likely to behave badly. In conclusion, It is vital for children to differentiate between the right and wrong but the punishment, whatever it is, should not be used to force them to avoid mistakes.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn how to distinguish between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
as early as possible. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that punishment is a crucial part of this process, I believe that it does not
simply
work.

The distinction between what is right and what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to know how to interact with others as they develop their moral compass early on in life. Failure to do this at an early age can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the toddlers and their families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them. Serial killers and rapists are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
two examples of adults that did not gain the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of differentiating between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
this differentiation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
a person from
being victimized
by others.
For instance
, if a child cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the difference between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
, they can be
easily
manipulated and might even become a prey to narcissists and abusers.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, although youngsters should understand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
consequences, penalizing is not the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
firstly
, retribution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the child focus on the consequences, he is suffering not the effects of his
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
him more
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-centred
and less empathic.
Secondly
, when a child
is punished
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
him feel like he is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
person which is always a self-fulfilling prophecy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he's more likely to repeat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
punishment, regardless of its type, erode the relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their parents or teachers making them more likely to behave
badly
.

In conclusion
, It is vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to differentiate between the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the punishment, whatever it is, should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to force them to avoid mistakes.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many old buildings are protected by law are part of a nation history. Some people think they should be knocked down and replaced by new ones. How important is to maintain old buildings. Should history stand in the way of progress. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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