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Most people agree that money cannot bring happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness? v.2

Most people agree that money cannot bring happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness? v. 2
Some people argue that happiness is come from money, while other people think that happiness cannot be bought by anything. I believe that there are a lot of factors to make people happy, not only by having much money. People have their own way to consider what happiness is and what things can make them satisfied. Happiness is not goods, not something that people can see from their eyes or something that they can hold in their hands. Happiness is about what people feel, how much they thank for what they have been having in their life. Naturally, people are created with a dissatisfying feeling. They will never feel enough in their life, even they have unlimited money in a bank. That is the reason why the happiness is difficult to define. Nowadays, many things are measured by wealth and possession. People think that money is the most important thing to be happy, so they try to work hard and earn money as much as they can. They do not realise that research has proved that some of the rich people are not really happy in their life. On the other hand, many people consider happy when they have a harmonious family. They do not need much money to be happy, because by having a good husband, wife and children, they can feel satisfied. In conclusion, I think that every people have their own definition of what happiness is. Some people agree that money is the most important thing to be happy and some others believe that money cannot make all of them satisfied, so it depends on their point of view.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by anything. I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
factors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way to consider what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is and what things can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them satisfied.

Happiness is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, not something that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from their eyes or something that they can hold in their hands.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
is about what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel, how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
they thank for what they have been having in their life.
Naturally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are created
with a dissatisfying feeling. They will never feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in their life, even they have unlimited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in a bank.
That is
the reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is difficult to define.

Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things
are measured
by wealth and possession.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they try to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
as they can. They do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that research has proved that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
in their life.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
when they have a harmonious family. They do not need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
husband, wife and children, they can feel satisfied.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
definition of what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all of them satisfied,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it depends on their point of view.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Most people agree that money cannot bring happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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