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Average life span of the human in many developing countries is increasing. Is this is a positive or negative development? Will this increased life expectancy have any social and personal issue? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v.3

Average life span of the human in many developing countries is increasing. Is this is a positive or negative development? Will this increased life expectancy have any social and personal issue? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 3
With the increasing medical facilities and new drugs for old diseases, the average life expectancy has increased in past few decades around the world. This can be more specifically seen in the developed economies where the increase is about 5 to 10 years in both male and female population. Although it is a good news that doctors and scientist are able to find the cure for some of the fatal disease, both the individual and government need to plan carefully to face the challenges the increased life expectancy has. Since longer life expectancy means additional expenditures, an individual needs sound financial planning so that he/she can retire with sufficient funds that will last until his/her death. This will help him/her to lead a happy retired life where he does not need to worry about his medical and other living expenses. The government needs to plan better regarding the social security benefits that a citizen will require one he/she stops earning or goes out of work due to age. The country needs to develop more and better old age cares that can give the senior citizens a right to dignified living during the last phase of their lives. Medical practitioners and nurses who specialise in taking care of elderly people need to be in sufficient number to cope with the growing old age population. In conclusion, not only the individual himself but also government and society need to be prepared to deal with increasing life expectancy and giving elderly people a happy and secure life in their last years.
With the increasing medical facilities and new drugs for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
diseases, the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy has increased in past few decades around the world. This can be more
specifically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the developed economies where the increase is about 5 to 10 years in both male and female population.

Although it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
news that doctors and scientist are able to find the cure for
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
fatal disease, both the individual and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to plan
carefully
to face the challenges the increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy has.

Since longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy means additional expenditures, an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
sound financial planning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he/she can retire with sufficient funds that will last until his/her death. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him/her to lead a happy retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
where he does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to worry about his medical and other living expenses. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to plan better regarding the social security benefits that a citizen will require one he/she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
earning or goes out of work due to age.

The country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to develop more and better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age cares that can give the senior citizens a right to dignified living during the last phase of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Medical practitioners and nurses who
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialise' is British English.
specialise
in taking care of elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be in sufficient number to cope with the growing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age population.

In conclusion
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the individual himself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be prepared
to deal with increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy and giving elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
a happy and secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in their last years.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Average life span of the human in many developing countries is increasing. Is this is a positive or negative development? Will this increased life expectancy have any social and personal issue? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
258 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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