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Average life span of the human in many developing countries is increasing. Is this is a positive or negative development? Will this increased life expectancy have any social and personal issue? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v.1

Average life span of the human in many developing countries is increasing. Is this is a positive or negative development? Will this increased life expectancy have any social and personal issue? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 1
People in the first-world countries tend to live longer these days. Although this might be a good sign that the overall health has improved, it also brings some issues to the world. The essay will discuss the downsides of having ageing populations, as well as the solutions to combat these problems. There are two disadvantages of having the ageing population. Firstly, the elderly would need more retirement fund than it might be previously expected, because they might need to rely on their pension for an extended period of time, such as for twenty years instead of merely fifteen years. Sadly, a recent survey reported that older people do not prepare sufficient funds to pay for their post-retirement expenses. As such, they might end up having financial problems later in life. Secondly, society might need more space for housing as the number of people living in this world continues to rise. This, in turn, might cause land or house prices to rise, making it less affordable for people to purchase. Nevertheless, there are some measures that could be implemented to alleviate the negative effects. One of them is to provide affordable nursing homes so its cost will not be too burdensome to the family or the elderly themselves. This should also be supported by the growth in aged-care professions to ensure the welfare of the aged. In addition, superannuations need to be updated to suit the current condition of the ageing population. An example of this would be to start a campaign to promote early investment plan and financial savings. Hence, the young or the middle-aged can start preparing their retirement funds in order to accumulate enough savings to finance themselves. In conclusion, while there are some issues brought by the higher life expectancy, there are some methods to solve the problems. These need to be done in order to guarantee the welfare of the aged.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in the
first
-world countries tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer these days. Although this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
that the
overall
health has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, it
also
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues to the world. The essay will discuss the downsides of having
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
populations,
as well
as the solutions to combat these problems.

There are two disadvantages of having the
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
population.
Firstly
, the elderly would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
more retirement fund than it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be previously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to rely on their pension for an extended period of time, such as for twenty years
instead
of
merely
fifteen years.
Sadly
, a recent survey reported that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not prepare sufficient funds to pay for their post-retirement expenses. As such, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up having financial problems later in life.
Secondly
, society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
more space for housing as the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in this world continues to rise. This, in turn,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
cause land or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
prices to rise, making it less affordable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.

Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures that could
be implemented
to alleviate the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. One of them is to provide affordable nursing homes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
its cost will not be too burdensome to the family or the elderly themselves. This should
also
be supported
by the growth in aged-care professions to ensure the welfare of the aged.
In addition
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
superannuations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be updated
to suit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
condition of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
population. An example of this would be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a campaign to promote early investment plan and financial savings.
Hence
, the young or the middle-aged can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
preparing their retirement funds in order to accumulate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
savings to finance themselves.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues brought by the higher life expectancy, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods to solve the problems. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be done
in order to guarantee the welfare of the aged.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Average life span of the human in many developing countries is increasing. Is this is a positive or negative development? Will this increased life expectancy have any social and personal issue? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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