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Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness? v.3

Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness? v. 3
To identify the notion of happiness is considered complicated and the majority accept that money would not be the main source of happiness. Distinctive factors or a mixture thereof can lead to the emergence of happiness in human life. Determination of happiness is tough because of its characteristics. On the one hand, abstract nature of notion makes it changeable. From a scientific view, this is a hormonal change within the body which happens during a specific period of time, as a result of events whilst others can assert that it is a more general notion that can refer to our whole lifetime. If the perception of happiness is asked from two persons, their answers will probably be different which are mostly affected by their lifestyles. A variety of thoughts hinder to find out the proper definition of happiness. On the other hand, expression of emotions makes it difficult to measure. For instance, although Danish people are considered the happiest nation mainly because of their living conditions, from the individual perspective, the measurement will not be the same because individuals will not be consciously aware of their happiness. In this case, without any expression results will be misleading. The second point is related to the factors can help people to achieve happiness. First of all, there are internal and external points having an impact on happiness level. The main internal factor is expectations. They define our satisfaction level which consecutively create an appropriate situation to feel happiness. Choosing personally right expectations would be key determinant to be happy. Moreover, the external factors can change individuals’ expectations. Satisfactory circumstances of life, it can be governmental or global processes, should be adjusted by humanity which are large scale actions. In conclusion, happiness level can be raised with the right steps in the individual and societal lives, however distinctive identification of happiness.
To identify the notion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is considered
complicated and the majority accept that money would not be the main source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Distinctive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
or a mixture thereof can lead to the emergence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in human life.

Determination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is tough
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its characteristics. On the one hand, abstract nature of notion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it changeable. From a scientific view, this is a hormonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
within the body which happens during a specific period of time,
as a result
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
whilst others can assert that it is a more general notion that can refer to our whole lifetime.

If the perception of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is asked
from two persons, their answers will
probably
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
which are
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by their lifestyles. A variety of thoughts hinder to find out the proper definition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
On the other hand
, expression of emotions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult to measure.
For instance
, although Danish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are considered
the happiest nation
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their living conditions, from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
perspective, the measurement will not be the same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
will not be
consciously
aware of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
In this case
, without any expression results will be misleading.

The second point
is related
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are internal and external points having an impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
level. The main internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
is expectations. They define our satisfaction level which
consecutively
create an appropriate situation to feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Choosing
personally
right expectations would be key determinant to be happy.
Moreover
, the external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals’
expectations. Satisfactory circumstances of life, it can be governmental or global processes, should
be adjusted
by humanity which are large scale actions.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
level can
be raised
with the right steps in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and societal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
however
distinctive identification of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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