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Most people accept that we now live in a globalized world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. To what extent is globalization a positive or negative development? v.2

Most people accept that we now live in a globalized world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. v. 2
In the last few decades, we have seen a rapid advancement in technology correspondingly globalization increased dramatically across the globe. Some people say that it is for a betterment of life while some critics argue that globalization will have a negative impact on our lives. I partially agree that development has a positive impact; however, there are some drawbacks with the development. In this essay we will discuss both sides of the argument. To begin with, in the past few years we had seen how the traditional world changed into the modern world within a span of 15-20 years as an outcome many new companies had established as a result employment rate has increased steadily and huge many countries got huge revenue from these companies. For example, the famous company called coca cola had established its franchise in India in the year 1977 which provided employment opportunity for many citizens of India alongside it also helped to improve the country’s economy. Apart from this still there are many companies who established their franchise across the globe and helped to increase country’s revenue. But the flip side of a coin, in the name of maturation, many companies had effected the tradition and habituate of people in many countries across the planet, for instance the beverage company will establish their company along riverside and they use gallons of water to manufacture their product subsequently the farmers will not get sufficient water to grow their crop which affected the agriculture system in that respective area will collapse completely which will indirectly affect the habitation of village. To conclude, development of a country is very essential but we should also take care of our own culture and tradition.
In the last few decades, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a rapid advancement in technology
correspondingly
globalization increased
dramatically
across the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that it is for a betterment of life while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critics argue that globalization will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that development has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact;
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks with the development. In this essay we will discuss both sides of the argument.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the past few years we had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
how the traditional world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
into the modern world within a span of 15-20 years as an outcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
had established
as a result
employment rate has increased
steadily
and huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
huge revenue from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
For example
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
called coca cola had established its franchise in India in the year 1977 which provided employment opportunity for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens of India alongside it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy. Apart from this
still
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
who established their franchise across the globe and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
revenue.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the flip side of a coin, in the name of maturation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
had effected the tradition and habituate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
across the planet,
for instance
the beverage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will establish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
along
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
riverside and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
gallons of water to manufacture their product
subsequently
the farmers will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sufficient water to grow their crop which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the agriculture system in that respective area will collapse completely which will
indirectly
affect the habitation of village.

To conclude
, development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should
also
take care of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture and tradition.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Most people accept that we now live in a globalized world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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