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In some area of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v.7

In some area of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 7
In a few places in the US, when a curfew is imposed, the adolescents are only permitted to go outside the home after a specific time during the night only if they are accompanied by an adult. I totally agree with this point of view since it can cost them their life and they are not capable enough to deal with any serious issue. A primary reason to oblige the restriction is to ensure safety of the young people. Alarmingly, in US, crime against youth are on raise so government should safeguard them by enforcing such laws. . Secondly, this way, teenagers can also be protected from the bad influences like drugs which is prevailing in night clubs and has become a common cause of concern among US parents. So, it is important that citizens co-operate with government for this dilemma against teenagers. The second issue is being outdoor for teenager is harmful to their security, they might face with gangs or muggers or probably the teenagers drinking and driving at midnight because many teenagers like to role same as their parent or adult. Dangerous driving by teenagers has a deleterious influence on both ordinary people in the street and madness teenager who driving in a crazy way. In conclusion, in most of the parts of the world children less than 16 years old remain at home at midnight and this is necessary for their safety. If they really need to go outside at midnight, proper guardian or parents should always accompany them.
In a few places in the US, when a curfew
is imposed
, the adolescents are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
permitted to go outside the home after a specific time during the night
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they
are accompanied
by an adult. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view since it can cost them their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they are not capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to deal with any serious issue.

A primary reason to oblige the restriction is to ensure safety of the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Alarmingly
, in US, crime against youth are on raise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should safeguard them by enforcing such laws.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Secondly
, this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can
also
be protected
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences like drugs which is prevailing in night clubs and has become a common cause of concern among US parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that citizens co-operate with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for this dilemma against
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

The second issue is being outdoor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
is harmful to their security, they might face with gangs or muggers or
probably
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
drinking and driving at midnight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
like to role same as their parent or adult.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Dangerous
driving by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
has a deleterious influence on both ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the street and madness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
who driving
Consider replacing "in a crazy way" with the adverb for "crazy"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a crazy way
.

In conclusion
, in most of the parts of the world children less than 16 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
remain at home at midnight and this is necessary for their safety. If they
really
need to go outside at midnight, proper guardian or parents should always accompany them.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay In some area of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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