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Most people accept that we now live in a globalization world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. To what extent is globalization a positive and negative development? v.2

Most people accept that we now live in a globalization world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. v. 2
Today, globalization is at its peak. Many people believe that it provides enormous advantages in terms of economic developments, whereas, other say that it has some serious negative impacts as well. I will discuss both in the following paragraphs. Nowadays, the world is becoming smaller due to advance technologies and transportations. People can do limitless communications and trades among different countries. For example, people have the privilege to sell their products and services to another country or vice versa. As a result, overall demand and consumption are increased which creates new business and employment in some non-developed or underdeveloping countries. Additionally, Internation communication through the Internet helps to understand the culture and traditions of various countries. Sometimes, Knowing the nitty-gritty of others culture can give clues of negotiation during critical trade-wars and other crisis. On the other hand, globalisation has some serious drawbacks as well. Firstly, the risk of online threats has increased in the day to day life. people who shop online or transfer funds often cheated by hacking their credit cards or bank accounts by hackers. Eventually, they lost trust in online shopping and transactions. Apart from this, in many countries, globalization is a primary reason for unemployment. This is because of the outsourcing of the work to poorer and developing countries in order to make a big profit. Hence, Many skilful people do not have good jobs in foreign countries. In conclusion, Although, globalization makes many people life prosperous in many countries, Its disadvantages may put many in the deplorable situation. I would say globalization needs some strict rules to avoid these issues.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, globalization is at its peak.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it provides enormous advantages in terms of economic developments, whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
say that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts
as well
. I will discuss both in the following paragraphs.

Nowadays, the world is becoming smaller due to advance technologies and transportations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can do limitless communications and trades among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the privilege to sell their products
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
services
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or vice versa.
As a result
,
overall
demand and consumption
are increased
which creates new business and employment in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
non-developed or
Possible spelling mistake found.
underdeveloping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Additionally
, Internation communication through the Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to understand the culture and traditions of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, Knowing the nitty-gritty of others culture can give clues of negotiation during critical trade-wars and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
crisis.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
globalisation
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious drawbacks
as well
.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of online threats has increased in the
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
who shop online or transfer funds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cheated by hacking their credit cards or bank accounts by hackers.
Eventually
, they lost trust in online shopping and transactions. Apart from this, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, globalization is a primary reason for unemployment. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the outsourcing of the work to poorer and developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
profit.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs in foreign countries.

In conclusion
, Although, globalization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life prosperous in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, Its disadvantages may put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
in the deplorable situation. I would say globalization needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to avoid these issues.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Most people accept that we now live in a globalization world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
266 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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