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Most of the high-level positions in government and private organisations are owned by men and very few women are in the high-level jobs. Should government reserve a certain portion of high-level jobs for women? v.1

Most of the high-level positions in government and private organisations are owned by men and very few women are in the high-level jobs. Should government reserve a certain portion of high-level jobs for women? v. 1
Highest-level executive jobs are commonly for men and not for women since the dawn of time. However, nowadays women can do what their counterparts do, so I certainly believe that the state should influence females and reserve these high-level jobs for them. This argument will be proven by looking at the women's educational attainment and confidence. For one, the administration should make an advance level job reservation for modern women of today because they are highly educated, so they can do high-level works as men do. For instance, women in the Philippines value education so much, that is why they strive hard to finish their bachelor's degree and even pursue their Masters and PhD (Doctors of Philosophy) and sometimes they are more intelligent than Filipino men. In fact, according to Philippine newspaper inquirer report on the 10th of March this year, more and more women are the company CEO's (Chief Executive officers). So the Philippine government must encourage more Filipinas to do these executive works.
Highest-level executive jobs are
commonly
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and not for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
since the dawn of time.
However
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can do what their counterparts do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
certainly
believe that the state should influence females and reserve these high-level jobs for them. This argument will
be proven
by looking at the women's educational attainment and confidence.

For one, the administration should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an advance level job reservation for modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
highly
educated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can do high-level works as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
do.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the Philippines value education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much,
that is
why they strive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to finish their bachelor's degree and even pursue their Masters and PhD (Doctors of Philosophy) and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they are more intelligent than Filipino
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. In fact, according to Philippine newspaper inquirer report on the 10th of March this year, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
CEO's (Chief Executive officers).
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the Philippine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
encourage more
Possible spelling mistake found.
Filipinas
to do these executive works.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Most of the high-level positions in government and private organisations are owned by men and very few women are in the high-level jobs. Should government reserve a certain portion of high-level jobs for women? v. 1

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
165 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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