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Computers are being used in almost all sectors and we are becoming more dependent on this machine. What are the possible future usages of computers and what are the benefits and drawbacks of the extensive usages of computers in our life? v.1

Computers are being used in almost all sectors and we are becoming more dependent on this machine. What are the possible future usages of computers and what are the benefits and drawbacks of the extensive usages of computers in our life? v. 1
Computers are being used in almost all sectors and we are becoming more dependent on this machine. What are the possible future usages of computers and what are the benefits and drawbacks of the extensive usages of computers in our life? In these decades the human civilisation is approaching this sophisticated stage due to the remarkable development of technology especially the computer. Every day new application of computers are invented, which are widely used on the everywhere of human life. While computers can bring immense advantages to the human life, it can be argued that this policy has a number of detrimental effects. No doubt, computers successfully open the new doors in the world and these computers largely employed in the various sectors such as medical, commercial, secure, and so on. Furthermore, there are different areas where computers may be used in the near future. Firstly, perhaps, computers can use to read the human mind in order to determine the real information. Secondly, computers may control not only the transportation system but also the whole airport system. The Google Car, as an example, is introducing the new avenue on the earth, which is totally run by the computer. As can clearly be seen from this the example that computer may significantly change the human lifestyle. However, there are some disadvantages to depend on the computer although it has a vast amount of boons. One drawback is if the server is damaged by any reasons, the disaster will occur on the whole system. Another harmful effect is when human being totally depends on the computer, they will not take any decision without computers; therefore, this could result in a tremendous catastrophic effect on the human intelligence. It is clear that human being should work properly besides the computer. In conclusion, currently, lifestyles of people are becoming easier due to the enormous development of computer; in addition, in the near future, this technology will improve dramatically. In spite of computer having a colossal number of amenities, its torment effect should not be overlooked.
Computers are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in almost all
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sectors and
we are becoming more dependent on this machine. What are the possible future usages of computers and what are the benefits and drawbacks of the extensive usages of computers in our life?

In these decades the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
is approaching this sophisticated stage due to the remarkable development of technology
especially
the computer. Every day new application of computers
are invented
, which are
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on the everywhere of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life. While computers can bring immense advantages to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life, it can
be argued
that this policy has a number of detrimental effects.

No doubt, computers
successfully
open the new doors in the world and these computers
largely
employed in the various sectors such as medical, commercial, secure, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas where computers may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the near future.
Firstly
, perhaps, computers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to read the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
mind in order to determine the real information.
Secondly
, computers may control not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the transportation system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the whole airport system. The Google Car, as an example, is introducing the new avenue on the earth, which is
totally
run by the computer.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
can
clearly
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from this the example that computer may
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
lifestyle.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to depend on the computer although it has a vast amount of boons. One drawback is if the server
is damaged
by any reasons, the disaster will occur
on the whole
system. Another harmful effect is when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being
totally
depends on the computer, they will not take any decision without computers;
therefore
, this could result in a tremendous catastrophic effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
intelligence. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being should work
properly
besides
the computer.

In conclusion
,
currently
, lifestyles of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming easier due to the enormous development of computer;
in addition
, in the near future, this technology will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
dramatically
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
computer having a colossal number of amenities, its torment effect should not
be overlooked
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Computers are being used in almost all sectors and we are becoming more dependent on this machine. What are the possible future usages of computers and what are the benefits and drawbacks of the extensive usages of computers in our life? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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