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Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. Do you agree? v.1

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. Do you agree? v. 1
In some companies of the developed countries the top-level positions are handled by men, although the female workforce is the majority. In my opinion, it would be biased if the companies mandatorily allocate a certain number of high-level positions to women. Academic background and skill set of an employee would help them in progressing their career irrespective of their gender. Companies should always ensure that, they keep developing the skill set of all the employees through various trainings and personality development courses. Transparent policies that allow people to understand why a particular individual is promoted will help them in understanding the management requirements. These policies will also avoid the glass ceiling, thereby all the deserving workforce can move up the corporate ladder without any partiality to the gender. If organizations start forcefully allocating a specified number of positions to female workforce, it will lead to a biased hierarchy structure. Also, if female employees without experience are force-fitted to a particular position, they might not be able to perform well. Employees should be continuously assessed and 360 degree feedback should be taken while promoting him/her to top of the pyramid. Another thing to consider is the culture and recruitment policy of the company. Institutions should treat the employees in an unbiased fashion, creating a harmonious work culture. Also, while recruiting new employees the gender ratio of the organization should be kept in mind to ensure that the gender balance ratio is maintained at all levels of the company. To conclude, employees within an organization should be treated equally irrespective of their gender and academic background. This kind of a culture will help the workforce in progressing over the years and ensuring the top level positions are filled gender neutrally.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
the top-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
are handled
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, although the female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
is the majority. In my opinion, it would
be biased
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
Possible spelling mistake found.
mandatorily
allocate a certain number of high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
to women.

Academic background and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in progressing their career irrespective of their gender.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
should always ensure that, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
developing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
through various trainings and personality development courses. Transparent policies that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to understand why a particular individual
is promoted
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in understanding the management requirements. These policies will
also
avoid the glass ceiling, thereby all the deserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
up the corporate ladder without any partiality to the gender.

If organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
forcefully
allocating a specified number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
to female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
, it will lead to a biased hierarchy structure.
Also
, if female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
without experience are force-fitted to a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
, they might not be able to perform well.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
should be
continuously
assessed and
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
360 degree
feedback should
be taken
while promoting him/her to top of the pyramid.

Another thing to consider is the culture and recruitment policy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Institutions should treat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
Consider replacing "in an unbiased fashion" with the adverb for "unbiased"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an unbiased fashion
, creating a harmonious work culture.
Also
, while recruiting new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
the gender ratio of the organization should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in mind to ensure that the gender balance ratio
is maintained
at all levels of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
within an organization should
be treated
equally
irrespective of their gender and academic background. This
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of a
culture will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
in progressing over the years and ensuring the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
are filled
gender
neutrally
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. Do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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