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Men occupy most of the top-level jobs. Should government reserve more jobs for women? Give your opinion. v.1

Men occupy most of the top-level jobs. Should government reserve more jobs for women? Give your opinion. v. 1
The top-level jobs are mostly held by men. While there are few women who have achieved the highs in their respective careers, the number of such examples are very few. This begs the question - should the government reserve some spots at the executive level for women. In my view, this should be determined by the caliber of the individual, rather than considering their gender. If we look into this more closely, we find that the most successful companies' top-level executives are mostly men. For instance, Google, Microsoft, Facebook, Amazon have all men on the driving seat when it comes to decision making and setting a direction for their companies. We do have few women pulling the strings of some of the industries. A good example is the CEO of Pepsico and IBM, are both headed by women pioneers. There are a few examples, where women are the presidents of some of the countries around the world. Does this mean the government should actively reserve certain jobs for women? No. The jobs, especially the ones that require critical and strategic decision making, should not be reserved for any specific gender. Instead, women do need to be encouraged to pursue education and follow their passion, and if this means setting aside a few slots for them in educational institutions, that still makes some sense. But when they enter the professional arena, one should be judged and promoted based on the skills and talents they possess. A small decision that an individual being at such a level has more cascading effects down the line, impacting every aspect of the industry. A minor setback in this competitive world can potentially knock them off from the race. Thus, while it is true that most of the top executives are men, women should be given an equal platform to showcase their skills and take men head-on, but setting aside few jobs specifically for women may prove to be detrimental.
The top-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
mostly
held by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. While there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who have achieved the highs in their respective careers, the number of such examples are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few. This begs the question
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
should the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
reserve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
spots at the executive level for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. In my view, this should
be determined
by the caliber of the individual,
rather
than considering their gender.

If we look into this more
closely
, we find that the most successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
' top-level executives are
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
For instance
, Google, Microsoft, Facebook, Amazon
The singular proper name 'Amazon' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
on the driving seat when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
and setting a direction for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. We do have few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
pulling the strings of
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
industries. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is the CEO of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pepsico
and IBM, are both headed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
pioneers. There are a few examples, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are the presidents of
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
countries around the world.

Does this mean the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
actively
reserve certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
? No. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
especially
the ones that require critical and strategic
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
, should not
be reserved
for any specific gender.
Instead
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do need to
be encouraged
to pursue education and follow their passion, and if this means setting aside a few slots for them in educational institutions, that
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sense.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when they enter the professional arena, one should
be judged
and promoted based on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and talents they possess. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
decision that an individual being at such a level has more cascading effects down the line, impacting every aspect of the industry. A minor setback in this competitive world can
potentially
knock them off from the race.

Thus
, while it is true that most of the top executives are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an equal platform to showcase their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
head-on,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
setting aside few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
specifically
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
may prove to be detrimental.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Men occupy most of the top-level jobs. Should government reserve more jobs for women? Give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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