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Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 2
It is argued that although the workforce in many advance countries is majority women, the senior positions in companies are still being acquired by males and these organisations must have certain rules for the allocation of such positions for females. This essay completely agrees with the statement because women tend to have more patience than men and are better academically as well. The most executive level positions in the companies require a lot of patience and calmness which are natural traits of women. In other words, the high-level positions always have strict deadlines to meet while working under extensive pressure. In such situations, females will be more suitable as they have better composure and self-control than males who are aggressive in nature. For instance, a recent study found that women who are working on high-level positions are 27% more productive as compared with organisations who have men in those positions. Another major reason to give girls high-level positions is that they are better academically than most of the boys. Boys have different pastimes with their friends or playing sports, whereas girls on the other hand loves to study which becomes a major reason for their improved grades. Therefore, such habits leads to exceptional results for females and alternatively makes them more deserving on executive positions later in life. For example, more than 50% of the women graduated from Oxford University last year, had better grades than their male peers, and wanted to see themselves in senior positions working for a multi-national company. In conclusion, I would say that women are far more superior than men as far as holding an executive level position is concerned, because females are peaceful in nature and possess better academic knowledge, which makes them both deserving and advantageous to the corporation.
It
is argued
that although the workforce in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advance countries is majority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, the senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are
still
being acquired
by males and these
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for the allocation of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. This essay completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
tend to have more patience than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
academically
as well
.

The most executive level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
patience and calmness which are natural traits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
In other words
, the high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
always have strict deadlines to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
while working under extensive pressure. In such situations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
will be more suitable as they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
composure and self-control than males who are aggressive in nature.
For instance
, a recent study found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who are working on high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
are 27% more productive as compared with
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in those positions.

Another major reason to give girls high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
is that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
academically
than most of the boys. Boys have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pastimes with their friends or playing sports, whereas girls
on the other hand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to study which becomes a major reason for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
grades.
Therefore
, such habits leads to exceptional results for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and
alternatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more deserving on executive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
later in life.
For example
, more than 50% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
graduated from Oxford University last year, had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
grades than their male peers, and wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
themselves in senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
working for a multi-national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are far
The adjective 'more' is normally used with to and does not need 'more' (so called implicit comparative). Probably you need to write: "superior to".
more superior than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
as far as holding an executive level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
is concerned
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are peaceful in nature and possess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
academic knowledge, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them both deserving and advantageous to the corporation.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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