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Most of the countries provide free health service. Some people believe that people with unhealthy habits like smoking, stress and not exercising should not get this free service. v.1

Most of the countries provide free health service. Some people believe that people with unhealthy habits like smoking, stress and not exercising should not get this free service. v. 1
In my opinion, medical care is a primary right of every citizen of a country. Irrespective of lifestyles and social habits everyone should get health care service at free of cost. Living standards of the people depend on many factors like society, family conditions, job responsibilities etc. People working in IT and BPO industries are normally highly stressed in designing intricate business solutions. Most of the times they don’t find time to work out for body fitness, this is due to irregular and long working hours. Employees of a manufacturing industry also undergo similar problems due to odd work shifts. Despite ruining their healthy lifestyle, they contribute to the society in the form of tax. Why should not they get free health service? Some of my friends argue that the restriction of health care services based on social habits like smoking, consumption of alcohol etc. , may improve the health levels of a society. They assume that people may afraid of not getting free medical service due to these habits and they may quit. One of the surveys conducted in India has proved it wrong. This survey is conducted on a group of young people aged between 19 and 30. Results of the survey revealed a shocking truth. People who are addicted to these habits do not really care about their health. Surprisingly, most of the people suggested decreasing the price of cigarettes and spirits. So the analysis of the survey clearly illustrated that the alterations to the medical system based on adverse habits do not really help the society.   Instead of restricting the free health service, increasing the cost of cigars and alcohol by imposing a high tax is highly recommended. In summary, I strongly feel that free health service system should not be based on people’s unhealthy lifestyle. We should treat this as a psychological disorder and local council should take responsibility to provide proper counselling at no charge, to improve living standards.
In my opinion, medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is a primary right of every citizen of a country. Irrespective of lifestyles and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
everyone should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
of cost.

Living standards of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depend on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, family conditions, job responsibilities etc.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
working in IT and BPO industries are
normally
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
in designing intricate business solutions.
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
Most of the times
they don’t find time to work out for body fitness, this is due to irregular and long working hours. Employees of a manufacturing industry
also
undergo similar problems due to odd work shifts. Despite ruining their healthy lifestyle, they contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in the form of tax. Why should not they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
service?

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of my friends argue that the restriction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
based on social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
like smoking, consumption of alcohol etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
levels of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. They assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may afraid of not getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
due to these
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
habits and
they may quit. One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
surveys
conducted in India has proved it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
is conducted
on a group of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged between 19 and 30. Results of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
revealed a shocking truth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
are addicted
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
do not
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Surprisingly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggested decreasing the price of cigarettes and spirits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the analysis of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
clearly
illustrated that the alterations to the medical system based on adverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
do not
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Instead
of restricting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
, increasing the cost of cigars and alcohol by imposing a high tax is
highly
recommended.

In summary, I
strongly
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
system should not
be based
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
unhealthy lifestyle. We should treat this as a psychological disorder and local council should take responsibility to provide proper counselling at no charge, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
living standards.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Most of the countries provide free health service. Some people believe that people with unhealthy habits like smoking, stress and not exercising should not get this free service. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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