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Most of the companies use many strategies to increase their sales which are those and according to your which method is effective. v.1

Most of the companies use many strategies to increase their sales which are those and according to your which method is effective. v. 1
It is argued by some that advances in technology results in the loss of a nation's tradition and culture. Therefore, preserving them is a waste of time. However, I believe that recent technological developments have helped to keep several countries history and culture alive. There are two main reasons why some people might think that computers contribute to the loss of their way of life. One reason is that, young people do not read old books and poems of their countries anymore, but prefer using social media and chatting on their phones. Also, the introduction of online platforms such as Facebook and Whatssap has made people have lesser person to person conversations. This has lead to the loss of interpersonal relationships which is vital for sustenance of culture. Because the above trends cannot be controlled, some people feel its pointless keeping traditions alive. However, I am of the opinion that technology helps to sustain and beautifies our tradition and history. Regarding the reading of historical texts, these books can now be stored on the internet and clouds, thus preserving the texts for life. In addition, I believe that social media platforms has increased the level of our communication and given us an opportunity to learn more about our culture. For example, on Facebook we can receive suggestions to be friends with whom we share common interests. This gives people a chance to easily blend and discuss their traditions better. In conclusion, although some people believe that developments in technology has replaced our traditional way of life and it is pointless to sustain our culture, I am of the opinion that computers has helped to preserve our culture and boost our traditions better.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that advances in technology results in the loss of a nation's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Therefore
, preserving them is a waste of time.
However
, I believe that recent technological developments have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
several countries history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
alive.

There are two main reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that computers contribute to the loss of their way of life. One reason is that, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
books and poems of their countries anymore,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
prefer using social media and chatting on their phones.
Also
, the introduction of online platforms such as Facebook and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatssap
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have lesser person to person conversations. This has lead to the loss of interpersonal relationships which is vital for sustenance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the above trends cannot
be controlled
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel its pointless keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
alive.

However
, I am of the opinion that technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to sustain and beautifies our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and history. Regarding the reading of historical texts, these books can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be stored
on the internet and clouds,
thus
preserving the texts for life.
In addition
, I believe that social media platforms has increased the level of our communication and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
us an opportunity to learn more about our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For example
, on Facebook we can receive suggestions to be friends with whom we share common interests.
Did you mean "these"?
This
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a chance to
easily
blend and discuss their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
better.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that developments in technology has replaced our traditional way of life and it is pointless to sustain our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, I am of the opinion that computers has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to preserve our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and boost our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
better.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Most of the companies use many strategies to increase their sales which are those and according to your which method is effective. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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