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Cycling is more environment friendly than other forms of transport. Why it is not popular in many places? How can its popular be increased? v.1

Cycling is more environment friendly than other forms of transport. Why it is not popular in many places? How can its popular be increased? v. 1
These days there is a growing consensus among people that individual photographers should not follow famous personalities and interfere with their personal life by capturing them private photographs. While others believe that is the price of fame. This essay will discuss both sides and will draw my conclusion. On one side of the argument, every creature on this planet desires to have a balance between his professional work and personal life. Celebrities are often lacks to have private moments because of that paparazzi have always captured their private time. For example, families of famous actors never get enough time to gather with all family members and this affects the connectivity between them. So, that’s why the authorities should have an appropriate low that allows these personalities to get comfortable in the public spaces. Despite the above arguments, I am of the view that famous people should be aware that intrusion on their lives is a love expression of the audience and this is a small price to pay for the attention they receive. Deciding to become a renowned influence has future consequences that every celebrity should expect to face. This proves clearly that famous personalities can avoid going to crowded public places to have a private moment. In conclusion, while both views are commonly held in society, I believe that Famous people should not be disturbed by photographers when they have private quality time. However, the media have to respect the privacy of everyone, including celebrities. Subsequently, celebrities need to realize that privacy encroachment is the price to pay for being popular. Those who value their privacy can always not to be famous.
These days there is a growing consensus among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that individual photographers should not follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
personalities and interfere with their personal life by capturing them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
photographs.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others believe
that is
the price of fame. This essay will discuss both sides and will draw my conclusion.

On one side of the argument, every creature on this planet desires to have a balance between his professional work and personal life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lacks to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
moments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that paparazzi have always captured their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
time.
For example
, families of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
actors never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to gather with all family members and this affects the connectivity between them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, that’s why the authorities should have an appropriate low that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
these personalities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
comfortable in the public spaces.

Despite the above arguments, I am of the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be aware that intrusion on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
expression of the audience and this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
price to pay for the attention they receive. Deciding to become a renowned influence has future consequences that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to face. This proves
clearly
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
personalities can avoid going to
'Going to' requires the base form: "crowd"
crowded
public places to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
moment.

In conclusion
, while both views are
commonly
held in society, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not
be disturbed
by photographers when they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
quality time.
However
, the media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
respect the privacy of everyone, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
Subsequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
need to realize that privacy encroachment is the price to pay for being popular. Those who value their privacy can always not to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Cycling is more environment friendly than other forms of transport. Why it is not popular in many places? How can its popular be increased? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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