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Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percent of these positions to women. do you agree? v.6

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percent of these positions to women. do you agree? v. 6
In a male dominated society, females have to fight for their rights. Although more than fifty person of the employees are women, the highest posts are mainly occupied by men in the in the developed countries. There should be a justifiable way to distribute these positions equally in both genders. I strongly agree with this statement. In the developed countries, however the women are equally competent as men, due to gender discrimination, they are not motivated and appreciated for their work. Moreover, take an example of any field, more than 50% of their lower staff consists of females. For instance, the hospitals are run by a male administrator, on the contrary, the working doctors and nurses are mostly women. Therefore, the females are not considered suitable for leading positions. In todays world of revolution, it is an utmost important to change the typical mindset. The companies should be held responsible to allocate the fixed percentage of positions to females only, because if they are capable enough to work on lower positions, they can take over the responsibility of higher posts as well. For instance, my mother was a school teacher for fifteen years, after that she was offered a post of Principal which she managed properly and is considered as the best principal, up to date. To conclude, more women work on junior levels than men because they are not promoted to senior posts. I agree with the aforementioned suggestion that certain percentage should be kept reserved for women in leading positions, in all the companies.
In a male dominated society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
fight for their rights. Although more than fifty
Possible agreement error. The noun 'person' seems to be countable, so consider using: "people", "persons".
person
of the employees are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
posts
are
mainly
occupied by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "in the".
in the in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. There should be a justifiable way to distribute these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
equally
in both genders. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
however
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
equally
competent as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, due to gender discrimination, they are not motivated and appreciated for their work.
Moreover
, take an example of any field, more than 50% of their lower staff consists of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
For instance
, the hospitals
are run
by a male administrator,
on the contrary
, the working doctors and nurses are
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are not considered suitable for leading positions.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
world of revolution, it is an utmost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the typical mindset. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should
be held
responsible to allocate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they are capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to work on lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
, they can take over the responsibility of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
posts
as well
.
For instance
, my mother was a school teacher for fifteen years, after that she
was offered
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
post
of Principal which she managed
properly
and
is considered
as the best principal, up to date.

To conclude
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
work on junior levels than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not promoted to senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
posts
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the aforementioned suggestion that certain percentage should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
reserved for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
, in all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percent of these positions to women. do you agree? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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