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Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 4
In recent years, women have worked at almost all workplaces, and their number is quite more than men in some places. However, most of the companies still prefer to recruit men at the topmost positions, and there is a need to reallocate the number of these posts by considering women. I do not support the idea of reserving seats for females and will discuss why in the essay. First of all, the gender-based job allocation could reduce the sense of competitiveness in females. The reason is that they need not to work hard as they will get the post based on quota. Furthermore, the companies would suffer if the chosen candidate could not adapt the working conditions. This would force companies to start finding loopholes in the system. Moreover, this approach would also affect the efficiency of male employees because they know how hard they try, promotions would bend in favour of the opposite gender. In spite of reserving seats, girls should be motivated at schools that they can also reach supreme positions at organisations. In other words, they should be trained in the skills such as leadership and decision-making process to make them work confidently along with the guys in any department from banks to parliament. For example, Angela Markel, Indira Nooyi and Kiran Majumdar Shaw are some of the world's most powerful women holding leading positions with the virtue of their leadership qualities and decisiveness. Consequently, this step would also strengthen the concept of women empowerment in the world. In conclusion, although it is right that females should have equal opportunities as males, this should not be favoured by gender. I believe that the recruitment criteria of the influential posts should be qualification, skills and talent regardless of gender.
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have worked at almost all workplaces, and their number is quite more than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places.
However
, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
still
prefer to recruit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
at the topmost positions, and there is a need to reallocate the number of these posts by considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. I do not support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of reserving seats for females and will discuss why in the essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the gender-based job allocation could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the sense of competitiveness in females. The reason is that they need not
Did you mean "work"?
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
as they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the post based on quota.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
would suffer if the chosen candidate could not adapt the working conditions. This would force
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
finding loopholes in the system.
Moreover
, this approach would
also
affect the efficiency of male employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
they try, promotions would bend in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the opposite gender.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
reserving seats, girls should
be motivated
at schools that they can
also
reach supreme positions at
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.
In other words
, they should
be trained
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as leadership and decision-making process to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them work
confidently
along with the guys in any department from banks to parliament.
For example
, Angela
Possible spelling mistake found.
Markel
, Indira
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nooyi
and Kiran
Possible spelling mistake found.
Majumdar
Shaw are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the world's most powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
holding leading positions with the virtue of their leadership qualities and decisiveness.
Consequently
, this step would
also
strengthen the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment in the world.

In conclusion
, although it is right that females should have equal opportunities as males, this should not be
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
by gender. I believe that the recruitment criteria of the influential posts should be qualification,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and talent regardless of gender.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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