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Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree? v.4

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 4
it is argued that corporations should be compelled to give a certain proportion of their executive level roles to females, given that over half of the workforce are women. This essay agrees with that statement because women are capable of doing a job at the same level as a man, and girls are currently outperforming boys on many university courses. In many fields, women can do a job as excellent as men. Those days are all gone now, when men were associated with physically demanding job and women cooked at home. Technological advancement has made everything easy, so that women can do the jobs which used to be only men did, such as bus drivers and airplane pilots. As a result, companies should not pick men over women to fill in high-level positions. For example, almost 69% of bus drivers in London are females, and there has never been accident involving them. Females are currently getting higher grades in most university courses. How well a man or woman does at the university is normally the deciding factor in getting a top graduate job, so it is only fair that women should get more of these positions. Even previously male dominated fields, such as law and medicine, now see women in the ascendency and they should therefore be rewarded with top roles. For example, females recently outperformed males for the first time in law in the U. K. Universities. In conclusion, men should not be given the majority of high-level jobs in businesses because women can perform at the same level as men and also do better academically.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is argued
that corporations should
be compelled
to give a certain proportion of their executive level roles to females,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that over half of the workforce are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with that statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are capable of doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at the same level as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, and girls are
currently
outperforming boys on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
university courses.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as excellent as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Those days are all gone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
were associated
with
physically
demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
cooked at home. Technological advancement has made everything easy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
did, such as bus drivers and airplane pilots.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should not pick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to fill in high-level positions.
For example
, almost 69% of bus drivers in London are females, and there has never been accident involving them.

Females are
currently
getting higher grades in most university courses. How well a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
or woman does at the university is
normally
the deciding factor in getting a top graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more of these positions. Even previously male dominated fields, such as law and medicine,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ascendency and
they should
therefore
be rewarded
with top roles.
For example
, females recently outperformed males for the
first
time in law in the U. K. Universities.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the majority of high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in businesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can perform at the same level as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
also
do better
academically
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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