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Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree? v.7

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 7
It is observed that many companies are headed by men, even though their team is filled with women. Women often face trouble moving up the ladder despite doing a great job at work, which is why I strongly believe there should be a fixed percentage of positions allocated to women, to address this issue. Firstly, it is a proven fact that majority women are more loyal, honest and dedicated to what they do, than men. It is therefore no surprise that companies prefer female employees because they take their deadlines seriously and ensure to meet them too. It is also a fact that women are known to be more creative. This is especially evident from the current trends at advertising agencies which have seen a rise of women in creative roles in an organization. For example, you will notice how most agencies have females working as copywriters, planners etc. Even though the job demands late hours of slogging and lots of travel, women do complete justice to the role. Yet, statistics show that these ladies are usually headed by a male who runs the show and takes the awards and promotions. Secondly, despite having a lot of personal issues to cater to, for example, pregnancy, raising kids etc. , women manage to pull it off, juggling between home and office, cooking food, taking care of her family, achieving great milestones in office and being a great team-player. However, when it comes to bagging recognition, men often overstep women. In a male-dominated society, for a woman to have a promising career trajectory is quite a challenge. In conclusion, I would like to bring light to the sad situation that women find themselves in. After doing all the legwork, the least they deserve is a promotion they earned with their hard work. I am therefore of the opinion that companies should reserve a quota for women, especially for senior roles, thus encouraging more women to step forward knowing their effort is not going in vain.
It
is observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are headed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
,
even though
their team
is filled
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
face trouble moving up the ladder despite doing a great job at work, which is why I
strongly
believe there should be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
percentage of positions allocated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, to address this issue.

Firstly
, it is a proven fact that majority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more loyal, honest and dedicated to what they do, than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. It is
therefore
no surprise that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer female employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they take their deadlines
seriously
and ensure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
them too. It is
also
a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are known
to be more creative. This is
especially
evident from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trends at advertising agencies which have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in creative roles in an organization.
For example
, you will notice how most agencies have females working as copywriters, planners etc.
Even though
the job demands late hours of slogging and lots of travel,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do complete justice to the role.
Yet
, statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that these ladies are
usually
headed by a male who runs the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
and takes the awards and promotions.

Secondly
, despite having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
personal issues to cater to,
for example
, pregnancy, raising kids etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
manage to pull it off, juggling between home and office, cooking food, taking care of her family, achieving great milestones in office and being a great team-player.
However
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to bagging recognition,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
overstep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. In a male-dominated society, for a woman to have a promising career trajectory is quite a challenge.

In conclusion
, I would like to bring light to the sad situation that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
find themselves in. After doing all the legwork, the least they deserve is a promotion they earned with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. I am
therefore
of the opinion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should reserve a quota for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
especially
for senior roles,
thus
encouraging more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to step forward knowing their effort is not going in vain.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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