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Machines have replaced physical work in many industries. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Machines have replaced physical work in many industries. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Automatic machines have played an important role and replaced physical works in many companies. This essay holds the side that this phenomenon’s advantage outweigh its disadvantage. Since machines can finish tasks with high efficiency, they can allow the industries to increase their earnings significantly. That is because those machines can do jobs all the time without taking breaks and the company can produce the same amount of products with less time, which leads to the fact that those industries can achieve mass production. Therefore, the company can get more profits by selling more products. Moreover, the industrial robots can produce better products than human do. As machinery work can always reach the required standard of the products while workers may make mistakes sometimes. We can set some specific figures or detailed standard for the equipments and then they can produce productions refer to those requirements. Such goods will be same as well as standard and people can use them conveniently. However, putting a large number of machines into producing process can lead to a decrease in the employment rate because the automatic machines can finish the mechanise tasks and replace some of the human labour. As a result, industries do not need to hire so many employees since the high-tech machine plays an important role in the producing process. Besides, those workers who lose their jobs cannot get salaries and will find it difficult to make a living or feed the family, which does give the government huge pressure. Overall, the use of machines in industries does have some disadvantages but the advantages it brings outweigh those disadvantages so that we should be optimistic and work hard to create more machines with different kinds of usage.
Automatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
have played an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role and replaced physical works in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. This essay holds the side that this phenomenon’s advantage outweigh its disadvantage.

Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
can finish tasks with high efficiency, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to increase their earnings
significantly
.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
can do jobs all the time without taking breaks and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
can produce the same amount of products with less time, which leads to the fact that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
can achieve mass production.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more profits by selling more products.

Moreover
, the industrial robots can produce better products than human do. As machinery work can always reach the required standard of the products while workers may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
. We can set
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific figures or detailed standard for the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
equipments and
then they can produce productions refer to those requirements. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
will be same
as well
as standard and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
conveniently
.

However
, putting
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
into producing process can lead to a decrease in the employment rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the automatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
can finish
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'mechanise' is correct. If 'mechanise' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the mechanise
tasks and replace
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
human
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
do not need to hire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees since the high-tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the producing process.
Besides
, those workers who lose their jobs cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
salaries and will find it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living or feed the family, which does give the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
huge pressure.

Overall
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the advantages it brings outweigh those disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we should be optimistic and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of usage.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Machines have replaced physical work in many industries. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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