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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. why is this so? what can be done about this problem? v.4

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. why is this so? what can be done about this problem? v. 4
There is no doubt that food prices are gradually increasing. While there have been many technological advances in the agricultural sector and an increase in yield, many people across the globe still starve to death. This essay will explore the causes of this disturbing trend and propose a feasible solution. Firstly, production cost involved in agriculture is the main reason for high food prices. This is due to the lack of financial support from the government and also high price of the machineries. Moreover, the tools and machines used for sowing and harvesting are expensive for the farmers and they indirectly raise food prices. As a result, low-income consumers cannot afford food and they suffer with hunger pains. However, the government should assist the farmers financially to control the prices. For example, the government could offer low interest loans to the farming community and also subsidise farming utilities. This will aid farmers to supply quality food in bulk to the market. When the government fails to control the farming expenses, the poor section of society cannot afford the food. Thus fluctuations in food prices can be controlled to a large extent with governmental interventions and food security can be ensured for all sections of the society. To conclude, millions of people still go hungry because they cannot afford to buy food at the current prices. It is the responsibility of the government to implement the solution mentioned above to ensure that all sections of the society have enough to eat. As long as food remains expensive, no advancement in the field of agriculture will eradicate hunger.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
are
gradually
increasing. While there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
technological advances in the agricultural sector and an increase in yield,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the globe
still
starve to death. This essay will explore the causes of this disturbing trend and propose a feasible solution.

Firstly
, production cost involved in agriculture is the main reason for high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
. This is due to the lack of financial support from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
also
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
machineries
.
Moreover
, the tools and machines
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for sowing and harvesting are expensive for the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
farmers and
they
indirectly
raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
.
As a result
, low-income consumers cannot afford
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
food and
they suffer with hunger pains.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should assist the farmers
financially
to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could offer low interest loans to the farming community and
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidise' is British English.
subsidise
farming utilities. This will aid farmers to supply quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in bulk to the market. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
fails to control the farming expenses, the poor section of society cannot afford the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
fluctuations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
can
be controlled
to a large extent with governmental interventions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
security can
be ensured
for all sections of the society.

To conclude
, millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
go hungry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
. It is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to implement the solution mentioned above to ensure that all sections of the society have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to eat. As long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
remains expensive, no advancement in the field of agriculture will eradicate hunger.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
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Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. why is this so? what can be done about this problem? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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