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Most high level positions in companies are filled by men even though the work space in many developed countries is more than 50% female. Companies should be require to allocate a certain percentage of these position to women. Do you agree? v.1

Most high level positions in companies are filled by men even though the work space in many developed countries is more than 50% female. Companies should be require to allocate a certain percentage of these position to women. Do you agree? v. 1
In most cases, It is widely seen that organizations are biased when it comes to women empowerment or promoting them to executive level position. In my opinion, I firmly believe that the organizations should be compelled to reevaluate their policies and create equal opportunities for both men and women. In this fast paced world, women are equally competitive as that of men mainly in every domain. They are academically strong and are outperforming men in every subject. Women, In this era, put strenuous efforts to grasp top position during their studies which make them capable and competent enough to lead from the front, For example, In the west, women are dominating in every field of study. They are contributing in science, law, medicine, technology and proving themselves as a very valuable asset for the nation as well as for the organization at every step. Not only academically, they are even good at those skills that are often considered as mandatory to reach to an executive position in an organization. They are outspoken, they posses good communication skills, they are good in management and above all they have relentless determination towards their work. It is therefore an erroneous assumption that women are not a good option for an executive level position in a company. Arduous journey of women cannot be sidelined. Therefore, the organizations should heed the core points mentioned above and should take immediate action to allocate the top position equitably between men and women, This would incentivize other women to perform well and will create a very competitive environment within an organization.
In most cases
, It is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
are biased
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment or promoting them to executive level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
. In my opinion, I
firmly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
should
be compelled
to reevaluate their policies and create equal opportunities for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and women.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
equally
competitive as that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
mainly
in every domain. They are
academically
strong and are outperforming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in every subject.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
, In this era, put strenuous efforts to grasp top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
during their studies which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them capable and competent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to lead from the front,
For example
, In the west,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are dominating in every field of study. They are contributing in science, law, medicine, technology and proving themselves as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
valuable asset for the nation
as well
as for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
at every step.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
academically
, they are even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered as mandatory to reach to an executive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
. They are outspoken,
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they posses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
in management and
above all
they have relentless determination towards their work. It is
therefore
an erroneous assumption that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
option for an executive level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Arduous journey of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
cannot
be sidelined
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
should heed the core points mentioned above and should take immediate action to allocate the top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
equitably
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, This would incentivize other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to perform well and will create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive environment within an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Most high level positions in companies are filled by men even though the work space in many developed countries is more than 50% female. Companies should be require to allocate a certain percentage of these position to women. Do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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