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Most high level jobs are done by men. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? Do you agree or not? v.4

Most high level jobs are done by men. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? Do you agree or not? v. 4
Though it could perhaps be argued that women are working in high level job position in so many organization, but the reality of these scenery is quite different. Most of the time women’s are neglected by the society. Office, roads, transports everywhere are the same situation. Fortunately the coin have other side also. Lots of people and organization are growing up whose main aim is to remove the sexual differences. They also paid equally both men and women. Sometimes women get the better amount rather than men. In my opinion, personally, I am against with any type of rules or reservation that hamper the escalating women’s power in the society and also damage their mental strengths. In previous, to manage household work and look after the family member is the only primary duty for women. They did not go outside for official work or other business. Based on that situation, the government and the ruler of the society was kept some job position reserved for women. These is cause, to establish women’s power and make country financially stables it needed to involve women at work. But nowadays situation turns very fast. In these twenty-first century women’s are involved at outside work. Last few years it increases dramatically. So, right now we did not need to think about position reservation. These days girls are more intelligent. They wanted to be educated and eagerly interested to make their own identification. Not only country but world are the direct beneficiary if they educated their girl child as well as boys. Otherwise, there may arise some problems in society if job positions are reserved only for girls. Like if any girl who have not that much of knowledge about work, although she hold a higher position because of reservation it could be effects other employees. May be they are getting mentally disturbed and stop to do their work. At a stage it hampers the company and also country’s economy. The other thing is to be criticized by other colleague. People will start to insult them saying, they get the position because of reservation, not for their merit. These will then move into a great disaster in their life. Because of mental shock, ultimately they can’t concentrate not only their work but also personal life as usual. In conclusion, government should give more focus on women’s education so that they can lid the higher position with their own merit instead of keeping position fixed. As a result women’s can match their step with men for increasing the economic value of the country.
Though it could perhaps
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are working in high level job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible agreement error. The noun organization seems to be countable; consider using: "many organizations".
many organization
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the reality of
Did you mean "this scenery" or "these sceneries"?
these scenery
is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. Most of the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
are neglected
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Office, roads, transports everywhere are the same situation.
Fortunately
the coin have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side
also
. Lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and organization are growing up whose main aim is to remove the sexual differences. They
also
paid
equally
both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the better amount
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. In my opinion,
personally
, I am against with any type of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reservation
that hamper the escalating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
power in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
also
damage their mental strengths.

In previous, to manage household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and look after the family member is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
primary duty for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. They did not go outside for official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
business. Based on that situation, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the ruler of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
reserved for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
The verb 'is' is singular. Did you mean: "This is" or "These am", "These are", "These aren"?
These is
cause, to establish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
power and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
financially
stables it needed to involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays situation turns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. In these twenty-
first
century
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
are involved
at outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Last few years it increases
dramatically
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we did not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reservation
. These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are more intelligent. They wanted to
be educated
and
eagerly
interested to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
identification. Not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
world are the direct beneficiary if they educated their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
child
as well
as boys.

Otherwise
, there may arise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
if job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
are reserved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. Like if any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
who have not that much of knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, although she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "holds", "held".
hold
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reservation
it could be effects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
employees.
Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
May be
they are getting mentally disturbed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. At a stage it hampers the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
thing is to
be criticized
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
colleague.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to insult them saying, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reservation
, not for their merit. These will then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into a great disaster in their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of mental shock,
ultimately
they can’
Double negatives are discouraged in standard English. Can you reformulate this phrase or is a comma missing?
t concentrate not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
personal life as usual.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give more focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
The word 'lid' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
can lid
the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merit
instead
of keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
.
As a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
can match their step with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
for increasing the economic value of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Most high level jobs are done by men. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? Do you agree or not? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
427 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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