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Most high level jobs are done by men. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? v.1

Most high level jobs are done by men. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? v. 1
It is a common scenario that maximum time men get an opportunity to perform the high-profile job. Nowadays, women have proved their ability in various types of field. If the Government keeps reserve the high ranking job for women, then the scope of work will increase for them. However, some problems will be rising. In my opinion, man or woman whoever, everyone should get jobs on the basis of merit and qualification. It is true that women always stay busy with household chores and child rearing. Although, getting higher education they are not be able to utilize their knowledge properly because of the opinion of maximum people that women should be given priority in the work of the home. Since, half of the population of our country are women, so if they get a chance to implement their education and talent in different fields, then they can play an important role in the development of the country. Furthermore, most of the parents prefer to make their daughter skilled in household work rather than study. If the Government gives the privilege to women’s job, then these parents will encourage their girls for doing the study. Secondly, if women get a higher job opportunity they can be financially well-off. Consequently, they will be able to take the responsibility of their families. For example, in many families, after father’s death, a daughter has to bear all expenses because they have no son or the son is too young to manage the expenses of the family. On the contrary, it is seen that men always manage all the expenses of the family. If high level jobs are kept isolated for women then there will be a dearth of work for men. As an effect, they will select an illegal way to fulfill their needs which will bad impact to the society. Apart from this an ineligible woman will get benefits rather than an eligible man. In conclusion, over the last few year women have demonstrated skills in diverse fields. However, if the certain percentage of high-ranking job is reserved for women, there will be some advantages but also some disadvantages. So, man and woman should get job depend on their eligibility.
It is a common scenario that maximum time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to perform the high-profile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have proved their ability in various types of field. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
reserve the high ranking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, then the scope of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will increase for them.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems will be rising. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
or woman whoever, everyone should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
on the basis of merit and qualification.

It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
always stay busy with household chores and child rearing.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, getting higher education they are not
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
be
able to utilize their knowledge
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the opinion of maximum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
priority in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of the home. Since, half of the population of our country are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to implement their education and talent in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields, then they can play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the development of the country.
Furthermore
, most of the parents prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their daughter skilled in household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
rather
than study. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
gives the privilege to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, then these parents will encourage their girls for doing the study.

Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunity they can be
financially
well-off.
Consequently
, they will be able to take the responsibility of their families.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families, after father’s death, a daughter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
bear all expenses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have no son or the son is too young to manage the expenses of the family.

On the contrary
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
always manage all the expenses of the family. If high level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
isolated for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
then there will be a dearth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. As an effect, they will select an illegal way to fulfill their needs which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact to the society. Apart from this an ineligible woman will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefits
rather
than an eligible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.

In conclusion
, over the last few year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have demonstrated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in diverse fields.
However
, if the certain percentage of high-ranking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is reserved
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and woman should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
depend on their eligibility.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Most high level jobs are done by men. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
367 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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