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Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent/ instead on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent/ instead on health education to keep people well. v. 1
There is no doubt that criminals tend to commit more crimes upon serving the first punishment. This is because of the lack of rehabilitation facilities, to incorporate the individuals to lead a normal life. This essay will discuss how the lack of settlement services promote criminal behaviour and also suggest solutions to solve the issue. Firstly, the main reason to re-offend for the first time prisoners is the lack of rehabilitation services. In other words, the prisoners are not given a chance to learn new skills for their future or develop a deeper understanding of their behaviour and are instead mixed up with other criminals, which negatively affect them. Besides, most companies require a criminal check before they offer a job, which does not go in their favour. As a result, many of them struggle financially and this leads them back to crime. To counter this issue, the prisoners should be given a chance to retrain with useful life skills which would ensure them a job after serving the sentence. For instance, learning carpenter skills could help them support their family and lead a successful life. Another method of dealing is to have more supervision and checks when they are back in society, This would prevent them from taking any chances and deter offending because of the watch. In conclusion, having skill training in prison and close observation when first-time offenders are released, is effective in dealing with the issue. If governments implemented these solutions, the crime figures would drop.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
tend to commit more crimes upon serving the
first
punishment. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of rehabilitation facilities, to incorporate the individuals to lead a normal life. This essay will discuss how the lack of settlement services promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
also
suggest solutions to solve the issue.

Firstly
, the main reason to re-offend for the
first
time prisoners is the lack of rehabilitation services.
In other words
, the prisoners are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to learn new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for their future or develop a deeper understanding of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and are
instead
mixed up with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, which
negatively
affect them.
Besides
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
require a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they offer a job, which does not go in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them struggle
financially
and this leads them back to crime.

To counter this issue, the prisoners should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to retrain with useful life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which would ensure them a job after serving the sentence.
For instance
, learning carpenter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them support their family and lead a successful life. Another method of dealing is to have more supervision and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
when they are back in society, This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from taking any chances and deter offending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.

In conclusion
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
training in prison and close observation when
first
-time offenders
are released
, is effective in dealing with the issue. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
implemented these solutions, the crime figures would drop.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent/ instead on health education to keep people well. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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