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It is better to promote healthy lifestyle than to treat the ill. More budgets should be spent on improving people’s healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend money for the treatment of the ill people. v.1

It is better to promote healthy lifestyle than to treat the ill. More budgets should be spent on improving people’s healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend money for the treatment of the ill people. v. 1
A very crucial thing for our present government is that it has a scarcity of budget, and hence they cannot fulfil all the needs of people. However, the government spends public money for the treatment of illness and for promoting the healthy lifestyle. But the fact is whether the government must spend more money on patients or to prevent illness. I would like to discuss both contexts, which are prescribed in the following paragraphs. One of the famous proverbs said by our ancestors is - “prevention is better than cure “; it’s better to take an earlier prevention rather than suffering at a later stage. The government has to take serious action in the earlier stage, it should provide all facility to make the environment clean. It should promote people to take necessary medication for the prevention of disease such as polio, rabies, Tuberculosis etc. It should not only provide facilities but it should also encourage people to lead a healthy, sober and peaceful life. On the other hand, it is not only important to take the prevention, but it should also take care of people who are already ill.   No all people in the society lead a same standard of living, they differ from each other. The majority of them are unable to get a simple medication for their health, hence it’s a duty of the government to provide some facility for these people. It should provide some concession or free health check-up for the people who are really unable to make it. To sum up, every human being has the equal right, none is greater or none is lower, it is necessary to give equal importance to both, a patient and an ill person to have a peaceful nation.
A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial thing for our present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is that it has a scarcity of budget, and
hence
they cannot fulfil all the needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spends public money for the treatment of illness and for promoting the healthy lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the fact is whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend more money on patients or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
illness. I would like to discuss both contexts, which
are prescribed
in the following paragraphs.

One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
proverbs said by our ancestors is
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“prevention
is better than cure “; it’s better to take an earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
rather
than suffering at a later stage. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take serious action in the earlier stage, it should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
all facility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the environment clean. It should promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take necessary medication for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
of disease such as polio, rabies, Tuberculosis etc. It should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should
also
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lead a healthy, sober and peaceful life.

On the other hand
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should
also
take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are already ill.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
No all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society lead a same standard of living, they differ from each other. The majority of them are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a simple medication for their health,
hence
it’s a duty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
facility for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
concession or free health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-up for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
really
unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it.

To sum up, every human being has the equal right, none is greater or none is lower, it is necessary to give equal importance to both, a patient and an ill person to have a peaceful nation.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better to promote healthy lifestyle than to treat the ill. More budgets should be spent on improving people’s healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend money for the treatment of the ill people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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