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Most countries want to improve their standard of living through economic development, while others think social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Most countries want to improve their standard of living through economic development, while others think social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Planet earth or in other words to say our home is now dealing with problems that mankind has caused. And many facts relate to environmental problems directly or indirectly. But the most severe consequences of our worsening environment are endangered wildlife and plants. Surely, other reasons can be arguable such as water pollution, deforestation, desertification and many more. While I cannot deny that the impact of natural disasters also are important, but I am certain that the extinction of wildlife and plants would be catastrophic among the others for the planet earth. Then why are we facing with endangering the wildlife? First, while we- humans are establishing a more comfortable and easier life for ourselves, also we are damaging the environment by cutting mass trees, killing animals and polluting seas. For instance, large food companies still use ground nets for catching many more fish, although this method banned because it causes massive damage to undersea life. And as a consequence of being a consumption society, people are getting more selfish about their needs and pleasures no matter what cost. Giving an example, in China, there is rising a food fashion which calls "shark fin soup". Cutting the fins of sharks to make a soup and let them into the sea or ocean without their fins also means that leave them to death just for a glimpse of pleasure. It is clear that our selfish behaviour against the planet impact detrimental consequences. On the other hand, destructive storms, remarkable fluctuations in climate, melting of the glaciers are causing a significant effect on the environment. However, the real fact behind these events is related to endangered species and plants. A good illustration of this is the rain forests of Amazon. As lungs of the world, Amazon forests are now facing the danger of extinction by large and global food companies. Cutting the massive amount of trees also disturb the species that live in the forests. Besides, reducing the trees across the world also impacts negatively on the balance of the air. In conclusion, there is no doubt that disturbing the wildlife and plants would be catastrophic consequences for mankind. As human beings, we connect the whole living creatures that are living on this planet and we have to learn how to respect them and live together with.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Planet
earth or in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words to say our home is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
dealing with problems that mankind has caused. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facts relate to environmental problems
directly
or
indirectly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the most severe consequences of our worsening environment
are endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
.
Surely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons can be arguable such as water pollution, deforestation, desertification and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. While I cannot deny that the impact of natural disasters
also
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am certain that the extinction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
would be catastrophic among the others for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
earth.

Then why are we facing with endangering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
?
First
, while we- humans are establishing a more comfortable and easier life for ourselves,
also
we are damaging the environment by cutting mass trees, killing animals and polluting seas.
For instance
, large food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
ground nets for catching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more fish, although this method banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it causes massive damage to undersea life. And as a consequence of being a consumption society,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are getting more selfish about their needs and pleasures no matter what cost. Giving an example, in China, there is rising a food fashion which calls
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
shark fin soup
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. Cutting the fins of sharks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a soup and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them into the sea or ocean without their fins
also
means that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them to death
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for a glimpse of pleasure. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that our selfish
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
impact detrimental consequences.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, destructive storms, remarkable fluctuations in climate, melting of the glaciers are causing a significant effect on the environment.
However
, the real fact behind these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
is related
to endangered species and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is the rain forests of Amazon. As lungs of the world, Amazon forests are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
facing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of extinction by large and global food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Cutting the massive amount of trees
also
disturb the species that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the forests.
Besides
, reducing the trees across the world
also
impacts
negatively
on the balance of the air.

In conclusion
, there is no doubt that disturbing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
would be catastrophic consequences for mankind. As human beings, we connect the whole living creatures that are living on this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
planet and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn how to respect them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together with.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Most countries want to improve their standard of living through economic development, while others think social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
385 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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