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Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Economic development has become the focus of most states. Although it provides prosperity and security to citizens, this progress could threaten the existence of social norms that have been embedded for generations. In my opinion, a better living standard should remain as the government's focus, despite the extinction of social values in the long term. The greatest benefit of development is it provides insurance, especially in the form of welfare for society. For decades, the government has strived for economic growth by building massive infrastructures that create job fields that enable a higher number of goods produced. With more products, consumptions are boosted and can stimulate the economy and, specifically, the money circulation. For instance, when the government builds toll roads, the farmer could deliver their goods to the customers with a lower distribution fee. Therefore, the range of advantages provided by the economic activity makes a better living standard possible in one nation. The main disadvantage of economic growth is the presence of globalization that provides a wider possibility for social norms to extinct. When people start to focus more on their career, aligning with the extensive attentions poured by the government to accelerate the economy, the nation as a whole begins to leave the norms that are irrelevant to globalization. As an example, the older generation had better interaction with their neighbor and relatives as they had time for these quality relations. However, the current generation tends to focus on workforce, making it difficult for them to build social connections. Hence, although people could enjoy welfare, they also leave the older values that used to persist. In conclusion, the development of the nation's economy has been increasingly prioritized. Despite a few harms contributed by economic growth, in my view, welfare, prosperity, and security of each society must still become the goal of the government.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Economic
development has become the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
of most states. Although it provides prosperity and security to citizens, this progress could threaten the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
norms that have
been embedded
for generations. In my opinion, a better living standard should remain as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
, despite the extinction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
values in the long term.

The greatest benefit of development is it provides insurance,
especially
in the form of welfare for society. For decades, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has strived for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth by building massive infrastructures that create job fields that enable a higher number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
produced. With more products,
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
are boosted
and can stimulate the economy and,
specifically
, the money circulation.
For instance
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
builds toll roads, the farmer could deliver their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
to the customers with a lower distribution fee.
Therefore
, the range of advantages provided by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a better living standard possible in one nation.

The main disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth is the presence of globalization that provides a wider possibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
norms to extinct. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
more on their career, aligning with the extensive attentions poured by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to accelerate the economy, the nation as a whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the norms that are irrelevant to globalization. As an example, the older generation had better interaction with their neighbor and relatives as they had time for these quality relations.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation tends to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on workforce, making it difficult for them to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
connections.
Hence
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could enjoy welfare, they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the older values that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to persist.

In conclusion
, the development of the nation's economy has been
increasingly
prioritized. Despite a few harms contributed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth, in my view, welfare, prosperity, and security of each society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
still
become the goal of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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