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students often want to get better grades in their classes. Explain what students should do in order to improve their performance in a class. v.2

students often want to get better grades in their classes. Explain what students should do in order to improve their performance in a class. v. 2
Some countries have experienced a gap between the amounts of salary workers are paid. While some commentators claim the possibility of earning more can be a motivating factor for many employees, in my opinion, policy-makers should be given a right to cap salaries. Being aware of the possibility of making more than his competitors, an employer is likely to work harder to achieve that. Research suggests that the main motivation for people to work more is associated with financial rewards and incentives. It is no secret that the world has become more and more modern due to the effort put by hardworking people, who are not only inspired by the possibility of a more convenient lifestyle but also supporting their families. Thus, even the possibility of earning more can aid many employers to invest more energy and time in their fields. Nevertheless, if the amount of money one person can make is not limited by policy-makers, the wealth gap will not cease to grow. Many workers have been discouraged after being aware of the amount made by their superiors. In other words, once they know how much money their bosses make, their productivity rates decline. Thus, in order to establish a healthier work environment, the government can impose some regulations to prevent the already existing gap from growing further. In conclusion, although motivation of making more can be an inspiring factor in personal growth, I am of the opinion that the government should be given the authority to impose a limit on the maximum amount of salary can be made. I wholeheartedly believe that this can assist both individuals and society to work more peacefully.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
countries have experienced a gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amounts
of salary workers
are paid
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
commentators claim the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possibility
of earning more can be a motivating factor for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees, in my opinion, policy-makers should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a right to cap salaries.

Being aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possibility
of making more than his competitors, an employer is likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder to achieve that. Research suggests that the main motivation for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
is associated
with financial rewards and incentives. It is no secret that the world has become more and more modern due to the effort put by hardworking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
inspired by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possibility
of a more convenient lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
supporting their families.
Thus
, even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possibility
of earning more can aid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers to invest more energy and time in their fields.

Nevertheless
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money one person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
is not limited by policy-makers, the wealth gap will not cease to grow.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
workers have
been discouraged
after being aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
made by their superiors.
In other words
, once they know how much money their bosses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
, their productivity rates decline.
Thus
, in order to establish a healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regulations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the already existing gap from growing
further
.

In conclusion
, although motivation of making more can be an inspiring factor in personal growth, I am of the opinion that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the authority to impose a limit on the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of salary can
be made
. I
wholeheartedly
believe that this can assist both individuals and society to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
peacefully
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay students often want to get better grades in their classes. Explain what students should do in order to improve their performance in a class. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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