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Some say that advertisements of toys and snacks have a huge impact on children and their parents and therefore advertising to children should be banned Do you agree or disagree with the statement Give your own opinion v.1

Some say that advertisements of toys and snacks have a huge impact on children and their parents and therefore advertising to children should be banned Give your own opinion v. 1
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing this letter concerning the yearly festival being held at my house on the 20th of April 2020. I am so thrilled after knowing that this year’s fair is to be organised at my home. Last year, it was splendid and astonishing. Everything was well organized and synchronized perfectly, and particularly the plethora of cuisines displayed at the fair was awe-inspiring. Moreover, the ambience of the entire fair was glamorous and elegant. Let me explain about myself a bit. I am an event manager for the past 5 years and hence I have managed various college events and conference previously. Furthermore, I have some connections that could assist you in this event, for instance, there are a few disc jockeys in my contact who are incredibly talented and affordable. Additionally, if you have any issues with the decoration do let me know, I know some decorators and suppliers who can provide items required efficiently and at a low cost. Also, If there are any requirements to be done, please don’t hesitate to contact me. Although the previous year's festival was astounding, but I had a few suggestions to upgrade the enthusiasm even more, for example, including a singing and dancing competition would be zealous. In addition to this, even though the variety of cuisine presented was amazing as the former festival, but adding a live kitchen would enhance the serving experience to another level. Let me know what you think of my ideas. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Thanking you Yours sincerely, Shakib Qureshi
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter concerning the yearly festival
being held
at my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
on the 20th of April 2020.

I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
thrilled after knowing that this year’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
is to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
at my home. Last year, it was splendid and astonishing. Everything was well organized and synchronized
perfectly
, and
particularly
the plethora of cuisines displayed at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
was awe-inspiring.
Moreover
, the ambience of the entire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
was glamorous and elegant.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
about myself a bit. I am an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
manager for the past 5 years and
hence
I have managed various college
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and conference previously.
Furthermore
, I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
connections that could assist you in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
,
for instance
, there are a few disc jockeys in my contact who are
incredibly
talented and affordable.
Additionally
, if you have any issues with the decoration do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me know, I know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
decorators and suppliers who can provide items required
efficiently
and at a low cost.
Also
, If there are any requirements to
be done
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
don’t hesitate to contact me.

Although the previous year's festival was astounding,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I had a few suggestions to upgrade the enthusiasm even more,
for example
, including a singing and dancing competition would be zealous.
In addition
to this,
even though
the variety of cuisine presented was amazing as the former festival,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
adding a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
kitchen would enhance the serving experience to another level.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me know what you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

I am looking forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Thanking you

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Shakib
Qureshi
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some say that advertisements of toys and snacks have a huge impact on children and their parents and therefore advertising to children should be banned Give your own opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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