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Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
It is perceived by most countries that by developing their economy, the living standard of their people could be improved, but there are those who believe that economic growth could result in loss of social values. It is certainly true that countries with developed economies have improved their people's lives because of their advanced standard of public services such as health and education. Improved health care can improve the quality of life through treating diseases and increasing people's life expectancy. Also, increased educational standards can give the population a greater diversity of skills and literacy. This enables greater opportunity and freedom. In my knowledge, I have learned that education is seen as an important development of welfare and happiness. However, while we can obviously see the benefits of a developed economy, there are other people who perceive that this could lead to losing of social values. It means that with higher economic growth, this may result in longer hours of work. Then working parents would not have enough quality time to spend with their children. Hence, children will tend to emulate their bad influence peers and eventually involve to an antisocial activity or juvenile delinquency, for instance, the unguided young teenagers, mainly African and Caribbean Americans in New York City in the 20th century. In conclusion, I certainly believe that through developing national economy, it will give people a better quality of life. Although it could affect families negatively, this would be just a little impact compared to the many benefits it could give to its society in terms of health and educational services.
It
is perceived
by most countries that by developing their
economy
, the living standard of their
people
could be
improved
,
but
there are those who believe that economic growth could result in loss of social values.

It is
certainly
true that countries with developed
economies
have
improved
their
people
's
lives
because
of their advanced standard of public services such as health and education.
Improved
health care can
improve
the quality of life through treating diseases and increasing
people
's life expectancy.
Also
, increased educational standards can give the population a greater diversity of
skills
and literacy. This enables greater opportunity and freedom. In my knowledge, I have learned that education is
seen
as an
important
development of welfare and happiness.

However
, while we can
obviously
see
the benefits of a developed
economy
, there are other
people
who perceive that this could lead to losing of social values. It means that with higher economic growth, this may result in longer hours of work. Then working parents would not have
enough
quality time to spend with their children.
Hence
, children will tend to emulate their
bad
influence peers and
eventually
involve to an antisocial activity or juvenile delinquency,
for instance
, the unguided young
teenagers
,
mainly
African and Caribbean Americans in New York City in the 20th century.

In conclusion
, I
certainly
believe that through developing national
economy
, it will give
people
a better quality of life. Although it could affect families
negatively
, this would be
just
a
little
impact compared to the
many
benefits it could give to its society in terms of health and educational services.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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