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Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend? v.3

Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend? v. 3
The world in which we are living has many inventions and the modern society is the cumulative contributions of many great individuals. One of the reasons for the progress of the modern world is the competitive nature human has with others. In my opinion without competition speed of nation building will be slow. Although the competitive environment is the need of modern era, it is jeopardising the personal life of individuals in many cases. Healthy competition is present in every walk of life. It is our inherent nature. Toddlers who have never been taught to compete would do it naturally to possess some toys with other toddlers. School going children study hard to win the top positions in the class, this behaviour improves their learning capability. People love to enjoy sports but improvement in skill is there when your opponent is more competent. Engineers build roads and Malls up to utmost capabilities but the buyers always seek a company with the lowest cost and modern and unique architecture. Consumers want to buy quality products but at lowest rates. On the other hand, a competitive behaviour of the society has paralysed the social life of individuals. People pay more attention to their future than the life they are leading. Youth is sacrificing their enjoyment for the sake of career. I suggest the mixture of two extremes is a very balanced option. I believe balanced life in all discipline of life can bring happiness in the societies. Individuals should work hard to achieve their goal but not at the cost of their sleep, health and family life. In short, there are cones and pros to competition with other individuals. We should compete with individuals, professionals, nation and keep in mind that humans need love, attention and rest. I believe that positive competition should be encouraged while negative one should be discarded from our life.
The world in which we are living has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inventions and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
society is the cumulative contributions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. One of the reasons for the progress of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
world is the competitive nature human has with others. In my opinion without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
speed of nation building will be slow. Although the competitive environment is the need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
era, it is
Possible spelling mistake. 'jeopardising' is British English.
jeopardising
the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases.

Healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is present in every walk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is our inherent nature. Toddlers who have never
been taught
to compete would do it
naturally
to possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
toys with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
toddlers. School going children study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to win the top positions in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their learning capability.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to enjoy sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
improvement in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is there when your opponent is more competent. Engineers build roads and Malls up to utmost capabilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the buyers always seek a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with the lowest cost and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
and unique architecture. Consumers want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
quality products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at lowest rates.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, a competitive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the society has
Possible spelling mistake. 'paralysed' is British English.
paralysed
the social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
pay more attention to their future than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
they are leading. Youth is sacrificing their enjoyment for the sake of career. I suggest the mixture of two extremes is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
balanced option. I believe balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in all discipline of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can bring happiness in the societies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
should work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve their goal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not at the cost of their sleep, health and family life.

In short, there are cones and pros to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. We should compete with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, professionals, nation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind that humans need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, attention and rest. I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
should
be encouraged
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
one should
be discarded
from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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