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Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Living in a high standard level is the ultimate goal of many people. All of us are doing our best to live in comfort and peace. Governments try to satisfy their citizens' needs and provide them with all means of happiness and advance. To do this the economy of should be improved. Like everything else, this has its advantages and disadvantages as well. Developing the economy is certainly useful not only for the living standard purpose but also for many other reasons; it may impact positively on the country in many fields, such as politics, culture and military power. Some people look at this point from another point of view; they see that the economic advance for improving standards of living has some drawbacks. First of all, it is better to governments to satisfy the principle things for their people as food and medicines before thinking in providing a lot of leisure and comfort way of living. Other reason from their opinion, easy come easy go. The population may not act in a good way towards facilities which constructed by the governments, especially if they were not funded by the people's tax. In addition, they think that the social values may be affected by such development, as they are convinced that the community will change and the morals of people like honest and truth will be modified, the families won't gather with their selves regularly and the sense of help and support can be vanished by the time due to availability of many things to all people. I tend to see that, it's very important for countries to develop their economy for their citizens' sake. I believe that the economy improvement advantages will have significant positive effects on the societies and the normal result of this development will be the advance of the nations. Last but not least, governments and the concerned regulatory authorities should try to make a sort of balance between raising the population income and keeping the community's habits and traditions stable and not affected by any changes from foreign cultures.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
in a high standard level is the ultimate goal of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. All of us are doing our best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in comfort and peace.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
try to satisfy their citizens' needs and provide them with all means of happiness and advance. To do this the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.

Like everything else, this has its advantages and disadvantages
as well
. Developing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
is
certainly
useful not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standard purpose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other reasons; it may impact
positively
on the country in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields, such as politics, culture and military power.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look at this point from another point of view; they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the economic advance for improving standards of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to satisfy the principle things for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as food and medicines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
thinking in providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
leisure and comfort way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. Other reason from their opinion, easy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
easy go. The population may not act in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way towards facilities which constructed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
,
especially
if they were not funded by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's tax.
In addition
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the social values may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by such development, as they
are convinced
that the community will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and the morals of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like honest and truth will
be modified
, the families won't gather with their selves
regularly
and the sense of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and support can
be vanished
by the time due to availability of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that, it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for countries to develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
for their citizens' sake. I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
improvement advantages will have significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the societies and the normal result of this development will be the advance of the nations.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and the concerned regulatory authorities should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a sort of balance between raising the population income and keeping the community's habits and traditions stable and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
from foreign cultures.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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