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Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
Over the last few decades, many countries are aggressively involved in improving the economic condition and uplifting the living standard of the people. Whereas, on the other hand, there are also people who believe that in the race of improving the living standard, people are neglecting the social values. I also believe that people nowadays are more concerned about possessing materialistic success which has overshadowed the need for social values. Countries and people are competing with one another in order to achieve success in jobs, business, and politics. However, in the competition of “who will come first”, they have outweighed the importance of social value such as love, humanity, service, compassion etc. Economic development has helped people to access latest technologies, possess wealth and medical services but along, ith that they are losing social values. Nowadays, people have good modern medical facilities but side by side they also have lots of diseases such as high blood pressure, diabetes, depression etc. Even rich people are unhappy in their lives and lots of teenagers are tends to commit suicide because they are lonely and do not have supporting families, friends and societies who can encourage them. In addition, people have car and vehicles to save their travelling time, cellular phone to talk with people from one country to another country, internet services to connect with people thus; they do not have time to enjoy with their families and friends. People are so busy these days that they don’t even bother to know what is going in their neighbour’s life. In conclusion, economic development along is not enough to satisfy human need thus, social values are as equally important as possessing economic development and improved living standard. In order to maximise the quality of life, people should not outweigh the social values.
Over the last few decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are
aggressively
involved in improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
condition and uplifting the living standard of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Whereas,
on the other hand
, there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that in the race of improving the living standard,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are neglecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
values. I
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays are more concerned about possessing materialistic success which has overshadowed the need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
values.

Countries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are competing with one another in order to achieve success in jobs, business, and politics.
However
, in the competition of “who will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
first
”, they have outweighed the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, humanity, service, compassion etc.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Economic
development has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to access
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technologies, possess wealth and medical services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
along,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ith
that they are losing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
values.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
modern medical facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
side by side they
also
have lots of diseases such as high blood pressure, diabetes, depression etc. Even rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unhappy in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are tends to commit suicide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are lonely and do not have supporting families, friends and societies who can encourage them.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have car and vehicles to save their travelling time, cellular phone to talk with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from one country to another country, internet services to connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thus
; they do not have time to enjoy with their families and friends.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy these days that they don’t even bother to know what is going in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
’s life.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development along is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to satisfy human need
thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
values are as
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as possessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
living standard. In order to
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximise' is British English.
maximise
the quality of life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
values.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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