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Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. v. 2
The government is responsible for funding the arts because most artists do not make enough money to support themselves. In my opinion, I strongly agree that the government ought to support artists as it will greatly bring more benefits to both individuals and society. A good reason why the government is obligated to support the arts is that art is a way to express ideas and communicate concepts as people can learn from art and be inspired by it. The arts are always used to teach people about their own culture and history. For example, around three-quarters of all paintings in the Egyptian museum are talking about the traditional lifestyles and the conventional foods in Upper Egypt. Therefore, by looking at these drawings, I will be able to learn about the ways of life of our ancestors. Another point to consider is that art encourages creativity and promotes harmony in society. To put it another way, art encourages children to express themselves through creativity, and therefore, children enjoy creating drawings that represent their daily life. For instance, students at schools generally use drawings to talk about any problem that they are facing in real life. Furthermore, art helps children develop social skills such as cooperation by doing art projects. These projects will also teach them critical thinking skills. Finally, the government is responsible for protecting the arts because, without government funding, many artists will not be able to support themselves. This will lead to the extinction of the art galleries and museums. Moreover, this will result in increasing the unemployment rate among artists. To cite an example, the Egyptian government donated over ten millions of dollars to an art gallery in Cairo because the art gallery does not have enough fund to organize an exhibition to sell its paintings. This funding saved the art gallery from closing its doors in front of art-loving visitors. In conclusion, spending more money on the arts is a must for any country that wants to promote its cultural heritage among other nations. Also, art has a vital role in society by teaching people their own culture and history.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is responsible for funding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
themselves. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
as it will
greatly
bring more benefits to both individuals and society.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is obligated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a way to express
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and communicate concepts as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can learn from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
be inspired
by it. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to teach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture and history.
For example
, around three-quarters of all paintings in the Egyptian museum are talking about the traditional lifestyles and the conventional foods in Upper Egypt.
Therefore
, by looking at these drawings, I will be able to learn about the ways of life of our ancestors.

Another point to consider is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
encourages creativity and promotes harmony in society. To put it another way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
encourages children to express themselves through creativity, and
therefore
, children enjoy creating drawings that represent their daily life.
For instance
, students at schools
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
drawings to talk about any problem that they are facing in real life.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
children develop social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as cooperation by doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
projects. These projects will
also
teach them critical thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is responsible for protecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funding,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
will not be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
themselves. This will lead to the extinction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
and museums.
Moreover
, this will result in increasing the unemployment rate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. To cite an example, the Egyptian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
donated over
Use a singular form of the numeral here: "ten million".
ten millions of
dollars to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
in Cairo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
does not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
fund to organize an exhibition to sell its paintings. This funding saved the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
from closing its doors in front of art-loving visitors.

In conclusion
, spending more money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for any country that wants to promote its cultural heritage among other nations.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has a vital role in society by teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture and history.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
354 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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