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Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree? v.4

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. v. 4
In this capitalistic world, everything is monetized and art is no exception. Society, these days, is abuzz over a debate that the majority of artists are not adequately paid for their work. Hence, the government should intervene and pay them fairly so that their work could proceed unabated. I strongly believe that the government should bail out the under paid artist due to the following reasons. The first and the foremost reason is my penchant for and personal inclination towards arts and artists. I am a great admirer and fond of art and therefore hold artists in high regards. Thus, I strongly advocate that the artists struggling financially must be assisted by the government. For instance, there are some European countries where the government has established dedicated agencies for the promotion of the artists which is indeed a great initiative. Moreover, it is an established fact and a natural human phenomenon that our mental productivity is adversely affected by stress and worries. Therefore, it is imperative that artists facing financial woes must receive monetary support in order to relieve them of all the worries caused by the financial constraints. In this way, they would be able to flourish and thrive, which will consequently enhance their imaginative and creative skill and they would continue to inspire and influence others with their work. Furthermore, a strong art sector would be an economic asset and spur business activity and growth. Therefore, by supporting and appreciating art and artist, government can enjoy a good return on investment in terms of tax revenues. For instance, there are various western countries which have an unrivaled reputation for their art sector, which contributes significantly towards the economic growth of such countries. Therefore, on the basis of aforementioned reasons, it would be justified to say that government must lend a helping hand to struggling artists to promote and appreciate them, to foster creativity and to benefit from economic gains, art sector can offer.
In this capitalistic world, everything
is monetized
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is no exception. Society, these days, is abuzz over a debate that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are not
adequately
paid for their work.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should intervene and pay them
fairly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their work could proceed unabated. I
strongly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should bail out the under paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
due to the following reasons.

The
first
and the foremost reason is my penchant for and personal inclination towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. I am a great admirer and fond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
therefore
hold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
in high regards.
Thus
, I
strongly
advocate that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
struggling
financially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be assisted
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
European countries where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has established dedicated agencies for the promotion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
which is
indeed
a great initiative.

Moreover
, it is
Consider using "a fact".
an established fact
and a natural human phenomenon that our mental productivity is
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and worries.
Therefore
, it is imperative that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
facing financial woes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
receive monetary support in order to relieve them of all the worries caused by the financial constraints. In this way, they would be able to flourish and thrive, which will
consequently
enhance their imaginative and creative
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
skill and
they would continue to inspire and influence others with their work.

Furthermore
, a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
sector would be an economic asset and spur business activity and growth.
Therefore
, by supporting and appreciating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can enjoy a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
return on investment in terms of tax revenues.
For instance
, there are various western countries which have an unrivaled reputation for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
sector, which contributes
significantly
towards the economic growth of such countries.

Therefore
, on the basis of aforementioned reasons, it would
be justified
to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
lend a helping hand to struggling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to promote and appreciate them, to foster creativity and to benefit from economic gains,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
sector can offer.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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