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Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue their work. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue their work. v. 1
Nowadays, artists are not earning enough money to fulfill their needs. Some people suggest providing financial assistance to them. However, this may be of little help, but I am a strong opponent of this idea. Supporters of state funding to artists can give only few reasons to support their stand. First and foremost, culture of any country is closely linked and reflected through arts. Providing sufficient monetary support to artists may be beneficial for them to work in a relax environment, free from any financial stress. Thus, artists may work better to promote the culture of their country. Furthermore, though artists may possess unique skills in their fields, they lack any marketable product which they can sell to earn their living. For example, a civil engineer can construct a building and a software engineer can code a program. Hence, government should help them to have a better life. However, providing monthly allowances to artists would have only short come outcomes. Government should adopt better strategies to integrate artists with other profitable industries. For instance, artists should be given required education and training to work in other fields along with arts. Furthermore, government should spend public money on other important areas such as health and education. Providing every citizen an easy access to quality health and education will develop a progress society that is self sufficient to earn its living. To conclude, while budgetary grants to artists may promote culture of any country, I strongly believe that spending on public health, education and training would eradicate poverty from society.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are not earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to fulfill their needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest providing financial assistance to them.
However
, this may be of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am a strong opponent of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Supporters of state funding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few reasons to support their stand.
First
and foremost, culture of any country is
closely
linked and reflected through arts. Providing sufficient monetary support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
may be beneficial for them to work in
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'relax' is correct. If 'relax' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a relax
environment, free from any financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
may work better to promote the culture of their country.
Furthermore
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
may possess unique
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in their fields, they lack any marketable product which they can sell to earn their living.
For example
, a civil engineer can construct a building and a software engineer can code a program.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to have a better life.

However
, providing monthly allowances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
short
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
outcomes.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should adopt better strategies to integrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
with other profitable industries.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and training
Did you mean "working"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'train' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to work
in other fields along with arts.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend public money on other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
areas such as health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Providing every citizen
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "easy access".
an easy access
to quality health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will develop a progress society
that is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self sufficient
to earn its living.

To conclude
, while budgetary grants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
may promote culture of any country, I
strongly
believe that spending on public health,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and training would eradicate poverty from society.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue their work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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