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Most adults are not doing exercise. Some people think that showing sports events like olympics and world cup will encourage them to exercise. Others believe that some other methods can be used for it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion v.1

Most adults are not doing exercise. Some people think that showing sports events like olympics and world cup will encourage them to exercise. Others believe that some other methods can be used for it. 1
Many people hold that in order to motivate them to be active depicting sports events such as the Olympics or World cup will help, whereas others deem that different approaches should be utilized. This essay will discuss both sides and provide my opinion that other methods are more effective in encouraging people to keep fit. To begin with, according to many there is a tremendous impact on fitness because of watching famous sports on TV or in-person as people play these sports personally. In addition, seeing sports give adrenaline rush, and also encourages individuals to take up sports. In India, for instance, a majority of people is an ardent fan of Cricket so they often play cricket or do some other physical activity only after watching it. Consequently, these games affect the public's choice of playing outdoors and quit their sedentary life. However, incorporating other methods such as local or regional events inspire the public to engage in health and fitness activities. This can be successfully achieved by funding from the government and societies. Organizing events, for instance, Yoga, Swimming, and Marathons will provide a platform to the public so that they can imbibe it as part of their lifestyle. Therefore, the effects of experience after participating in activities have enormous impact in doing exercise. To conclude this, many people think that watching sports influence healthy lifestyle, while I agree with those who think that different approaches are more effective. Hence, in the future, I would recommend to increase participation in activity events in order to stay healthy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold that in order to motivate them to be active depicting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as the Olympics or World cup will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, whereas others deem that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approaches should
be utilized
. This essay will discuss both sides and provide my opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
methods are more effective in encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
there is a tremendous impact on fitness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on TV or in-person as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personally
.
In addition
, seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
give adrenaline rush, and
also
encourages individuals to take up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In India,
for instance
, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is an ardent fan of Cricket
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
play cricket or do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after watching it.
Consequently
, these games affect the public's choice of playing outdoors and quit their sedentary life.

However
, incorporating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
methods such as local or regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
inspire the public to engage in health and fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This can be
successfully
achieved by funding from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and societies. Organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
for instance
, Yoga, Swimming, and Marathons will provide a platform to the public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can imbibe it as part of their lifestyle.
Therefore
, the effects of experience after participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have enormous impact in doing exercise.

To conclude
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
influence healthy lifestyle, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approaches are more effective.
Hence
, in the future, I would recommend to increase participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in order to stay healthy.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Most adults are not doing exercise. Some people think that showing sports events like olympics and world cup will encourage them to exercise. Others believe that some other methods can be used for it. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Most adults are not doing exercise. Some people think that showing sports events like olympics and world cup will encourage them to exercise. Others believe that some other methods can be used for it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion v.1