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children are facing academic, social and commercial pressures. causes and solution. v.2

children are facing academic, social and commercial pressures. causes and solution. v. 2
There is no doubt that adolescents are having burdens such as academic, social and commercial, it is important to determine the solutions to alleviate this problem. First of all, higher expectations from parents can lead the children to distress. This issue is because the world is becoming a global village with fast-paced life and parents do not want their offspring to stay behind others but sometimes results could be devastating. For example, intimidation from father and mother could damage psychology of kids to take unfortunate steps like suicide or criminal activities. To solve this problem, parents should keep realistic expectations and should understand the capability and interests of their child. As a result, with support and guidelines from their parents, there will not be any academic anxiety and children can achieve greater success in his fascinated field. Furthermore, peer pressure could be a factor for child to have an inferiority complex. This could make a kid to demand those non-affordable or unnecessary items to their parents and this could create tension at home. For instance, an expensive gadget can lure a child's conscious when he sees it with his friends, and would want to have it for himself but eventually it leads to strains. To ease this problem, father and mother should take pro-active way of communication and without confrontation they must make them understand the significance of money. As an outcome, bond of parents and children will emerge and without any further conflicts a prosperous family might be shaped. In conclusion, undoubtedly, children nowadays feeling unnecessary stress and to make them feel easy, it is parents' responsibility to take necessary steps such as mentioned above.
There is no doubt that adolescents are having burdens such as academic, social and commercial, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to determine the solutions to alleviate this problem.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, higher expectations from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to distress. This issue is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the world is becoming a global village with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not want their offspring to stay behind others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
results could be devastating.
For example
, intimidation from father and mother could damage psychology of kids to take unfortunate steps like suicide or criminal activities. To solve this problem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
realistic expectations and should understand the capability and interests of their child.
As a result
, with support and guidelines from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, there will not be any academic anxiety and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can achieve greater success in his fascinated field.

Furthermore
, peer pressure could be a factor for child to have an inferiority complex. This could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a kid to demand those non-affordable or unnecessary items to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and this could create tension at home.
For instance
, an expensive gadget can lure a child's conscious when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
it with his friends, and would want to have it for himself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
eventually
it leads to strains. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
this problem, father and mother should take pro-active way of communication and without confrontation they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them understand the significance of money. As an outcome, bond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will emerge and without any
further
conflicts a prosperous family might
be shaped
.

In conclusion
,
undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays feeling unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel easy, it is parents' responsibility to take necessary steps such as mentioned above.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay children are facing academic, social and commercial pressures. causes and solution. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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