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Adults today do not do enough exercise. Some people believe that showing major sports events like the Olympics or the Football World Cup on television encourages people to exercise. Others argue that there are better ways to encourage adults to move more. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Adults today do not do enough exercise. Some people believe that showing major sports events like the Olympics or the Football World Cup on television encourages people to exercise. Others argue that there are better ways to encourage adults to move more. v. 2
The overall wellbeing of a person mainly depends on two main elements, namely mental and physical. Today, many people focus mainly on the mental part of it. However, while some people believe that broadcasting major events like the FIFA world cup and the Olympics will motivate people to exercise, I feel that there are other methods to motivate them. On the one hand, it could be argued that showing major sporting events motivates the viewer to exercise. Those in favour of motivating people by showing sporting events on television argue that by viewing the physically fit athletes many people get inspired. Many get inspired to believe that achieving a ideal body weight by exercise is possible, which motivates people to come out of their comfort zone and to start exercising. Many people also claim that on seeing their team do well at the event acts as a stimulant, which results in people themselves trying to play some form of sport. Take, Sania Mirza, the great tennis champion from India, for instance. On seeing her performance on television, many people enrolled for tennis training and started playing the sport. Therefore, she acted as a motivation to thousands of people to take up tennis as a sport. However, I side with those who believe that there are better ways to motivate people to start exercising. It is a fact that lack of physical activity results in various health related issues like heart attack, low blood pressure and muscle stiffness. As a result, it is desirable to educate the public about the various issues arising due to lack of physical activity. However, in my opinion the best way to motivate people to exercise is to provide incentives in the form of shopping vouchers and prices for achieving their ideal weight. For instance, the government of Dubai organises the yearly "30*30 event", which motivates people to commit at least 30 minutes daily for 30 days to perform any form of exercise. A mobile application is used to track the participant's activities and the time, at the end of the event participants receive their gift vouchers in their mobile application which can be redeemed. Thus, giving incentives to people to exercise is the best way to motivate people. In conclusion, although viewing sports on television stimulates people, giving incentives to people to exercise is a better stimulant. Therefore, on balance, I strongly believe that there are other better ways to motivate people to start exercising other than by watching sporting events on television.
The
overall
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of a person
mainly
depends on two main elements,
namely
mental and physical.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
focus
mainly
on the mental part of it.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that broadcasting major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
FIFA world cup
and the Olympics will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, I feel that there are other methods to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivate
them.

On the one hand, it could
be argued
that showing major sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivates
the viewer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. Those in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by showing sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
argue that by viewing the
physically
fit athletes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that achieving
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
ideal body weight by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is possible, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of their comfort zone and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
exercising.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
claim that on seeing their team do well at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
acts as a stimulant, which results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
themselves trying to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
form of sport. Take,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sania
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mirza
, the great tennis champion from India,
for instance
. On seeing her performance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enrolled for tennis training and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
playing the sport.
Therefore
, she acted as a motivation to thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take up tennis as a sport.

However
, I side with those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that there are better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
exercising. It is a fact that lack of physical activity results in various health related issues like heart attack, low blood pressure and muscle stiffness.
As a result
, it is desirable to educate the public about the various issues arising due to lack of physical activity.
However
, in my opinion the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is to provide incentives in the form of shopping vouchers and prices for achieving their ideal weight.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Dubai
Possible spelling mistake. 'organises' is British English.
organises
the yearly
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Replace by the typographical symbol.
30*30
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commit at least 30 minutes daily for 30 days to perform any form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. A mobile application is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the participant's activities and the time, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
participants receive their gift vouchers in their mobile application which can
be redeemed
.
Thus
, giving incentives to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, although viewing sports on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
stimulates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, giving incentives to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is a better stimulant.
Therefore
, on balance, I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that there are other better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
exercising other than by watching sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Adults today do not do enough exercise. Some people believe that showing major sports events like the Olympics or the Football World Cup on television encourages people to exercise. Others argue that there are better ways to encourage adults to move more. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
418 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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