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The govt should make people take the responsibility for their actions to the environment. TO what extent do you agree? v.2

The govt should make people take the responsibility for their actions to the environment. v. 2
It has been argued by many that protection of the environment is an important task of the government and people should be taken to task for their actions affecting the environmental conditions. In my opinion, I fully agree with this as it will inculcate a sense of responsibility among the inhabitants and will also keep the surroundings neat and clean. On the one hand, it's the duty of a state to keep a check on the activities, of its citizens, affecting the locality. Firstly, awareness should be created by media campaigns. Secondly, rules should be made and communicated to all regarding the protection of surroundings. Furthermore, adequate facilities must be provided for the uplift and upkeep of the area. This will, ultimately, develop responsible attitudes among the people and they will try to preserve the nature as their utmost duty. For instance, the Swiss people are among those who have kept the natural beauty in its original shape and they are backed up by their rulers as well. On the other hand, people should be encouraged to keep their vicinities protected and dirt free. Apart from cleaning their homes, they are also expected to keep their nearby town updated. This can be achieved by providing garbage bins, a sanitation truck for collection of all filthy material and recycling of the whole material. Moreover, community centres must be tasked to keep an eye on the sanitary conditions of the cities and helping in maintaining the world pollution free. For example, the same practice has been followed in the UAE where the government has fixed monitoring devices to keep the towns beautiful. To conclude, I believe that natural resources are available to all of us in one form or the other, but it's our duty to keep them safe and protected.
It has
been argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that protection of the environment is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
task of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be taken
to task for their actions affecting the environmental conditions. In my opinion, I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this as it will inculcate a sense of responsibility among the inhabitants and will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
the surroundings neat and clean.

On the one hand, it's the duty of a state to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on the activities, of its citizens, affecting the locality.
Firstly
, awareness should
be created
by media campaigns.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
should
be made
and communicated to all regarding the protection of surroundings.
Furthermore
, adequate facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
for the uplift and upkeep of the area. This will,
ultimately
, develop responsible attitudes among the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they will try to preserve the nature as their utmost duty.
For instance
, the Swiss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are among those who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
the natural beauty in its original
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shape and
they
are backed
up by their rulers
as well
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
vicinities
protected and dirt free. Apart from cleaning their homes, they are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
their nearby town updated. This can
be achieved
by providing garbage bins, a sanitation truck for collection of all filthy material and recycling of the whole material.
Moreover
, community
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be tasked
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
an eye on the sanitary conditions of the cities and helping in maintaining the world pollution free.
For example
, the same practice has
been followed
in the UAE where the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
monitoring devices to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
the towns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
.

To conclude
, I believe that natural resources are available to all of us in one form or the other,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it's our duty to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
them safe and protected.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The govt should make people take the responsibility for their actions to the environment. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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