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More students are moving from developing countries to developed countries. Are rich countries stealing talented people from poorer countries? How can people be encouraged to stay in their home country? v.1

More students are moving from developing countries to developed countries. Are rich countries stealing talented people from poorer countries? How can people be encouraged to stay in their home country? v. 1
The rational way to use the government’s budget is always the main concern of everyone in all nations across the globe. While it is believed that well-developed public transportation should be considered as the top priority, I advocate that the other aspects are also of great importance. There are some sound reasons why the government’s fund should be spent on the development of public transport. The first reason is that it prevents overcrowded roads in rush hours. If traffic congestion is tackled, people can save their commuting time and expenditure on fuel, which means that they can enjoy the good life and enhance productivity. Other than that, public transport makes great contributions to the reduction of carbon impacts. The reason is that public transportation can replace a huge number of private vehicles which can be considered as a culprit behind the higher volume of atmospheric greenhouse gases. On the other hand, the other issues in our society also need to be taken into consideration for some compelling explanations. First of all, the deterioration of the environment is one of the urgent global issues. This is because, beside difficulties coming from carbon emissions from private vehicles, other dangerous diseases, including cancer and adverse effects on ingredient supply for the generation of products used in daily life can be attributed to water pollution and the greater pressure of finite and depleting resources. Moreover, citizens in some nations, particularly in disaster-prone areas and Third World countries, are entitled to receive financial support with a view to fighting against serious problems such as starvation, illiteracy and the high unemployment and crime rate. Otherwise, these problems can cause the stagnation of a country’s progress and development. All in all, the government has to allocate financial resources to not only accelerate the improvement of public transport but also mitigate other serious problems.
The rational way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s budget is always the main concern of everyone in all nations across the globe. While it
is believed
that well-developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation should
be considered
as the top priority, I advocate that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects are
also
of great importance.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sound reasons why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s fund should
be spent
on the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport. The
first
reason is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
overcrowded roads in rush hours. If traffic congestion
is tackled
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can save their commuting time and expenditure on fuel, which means that they can enjoy the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life and enhance productivity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
than that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
great contributions to the reduction of carbon impacts. The reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation can replace a huge number of private vehicles which can
be considered
as a culprit behind the higher volume of atmospheric greenhouse gases.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
issues in our society
also
need to
be taken
into consideration for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
compelling explanations.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the deterioration of the environment is one of the urgent global issues. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, beside difficulties coming from carbon emissions from private vehicles,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases, including cancer and adverse effects on ingredient supply for the generation of products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in daily life can
be attributed
to water pollution and the greater pressure of finite and depleting resources.
Moreover
, citizens in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations,
particularly
in disaster-prone areas and Third World countries,
are entitled
to receive financial support with a view to fighting against serious problems such as starvation, illiteracy and the high unemployment and crime rate.
Otherwise
, these problems can cause the stagnation of a country’s progress and development.

All in all, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
allocate financial resources to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
accelerate the improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mitigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
serious problems.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay More students are moving from developing countries to developed countries. Are rich countries stealing talented people from poorer countries? How can people be encouraged to stay in their home country? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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