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More students are moving from developing countries to developed countries. Are rich countries stealing talented people from poorer countries? How can people be encouraged to stay in their home country? v.2

More students are moving from developing countries to developed countries. Are rich countries stealing talented people from poorer countries? How can people be encouraged to stay in their home country? v. 2
Many students of poor nations are travelling in developed nations in order to seek better education and employment opportunities. This essay will discuss that developed countries are not stealing skilled manpower of poor countries and the ways people could be motivated to settle in their own country. In my view, people from developing countries have specific reasons to migrate to other countries, so these nations cannot be blamed for this trend. First of all, students make their own decision whether to study abroad or not. In other words, graduates aren’t compelled to move abroad rather than they are given the choice of freedom to decide whether they choose to stay or leave their motherland. So, a country cannot be blamed for immigrants who make their own choice. Secondly, developed countries are providing opportunities for people of poor countries to be more skillful. A lot of students decide to move abroad temporarily in order to pursue good standard of education. After completing certain qualifications, these people are equipped with sets of handful skill and education which can be utilized when they return to their own country. To illustrate this, my friend studied web development in Canada 3 years ago and now, he has established his own IT organization to offer web services. However, various methods can be implemented to encourage people to stay within their home country. One measure is to provide more employment opportunities for students. Many graduates often move to rich countries in order to seek better job opportunities. If people are employed after completion of their education, this could motivate people to never leave their country territory. Another effective method could be the rise in remuneration. In developing nations, pay rate per hour is too low in figures. Hence, people cannot achieve quality of life which encourages them to move abroad for better life. So, if the government offers suitable amount of salary, people will no longer need to seek employment in other countries. In conclusion, there are clear reasons that rich countries are not stealing skilled manpower and there are various options that can be adapted to avoid people from leaving their home country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are travelling in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in order to seek better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
. This essay will discuss that developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are not stealing skilled manpower of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and the ways
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
be motivated
to settle in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.

In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have specific reasons to migrate to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
cannot
be blamed
for this trend.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision whether to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
or not.
In other words
, graduates aren’t compelled to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
rather
than they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the choice of freedom to decide whether they choose to stay or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their motherland.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
cannot
be blamed
for immigrants who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice.
Secondly
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to be more skillful.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
temporarily
in order to pursue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. After completing certain qualifications, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are equipped
with sets of handful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
which can
be utilized
when they return to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. To illustrate this, my friend studied web development in Canada 3 years ago and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, he has established his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
IT organization to offer web services.

However
, various methods can
be implemented
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay within their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. One measure is to provide more employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
graduates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order to seek better job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are employed
after completion of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, this could motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
territory. Another effective method could be the rise in remuneration. In developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, pay rate per hour is too low in figures.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot achieve quality of life which encourages them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for better life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
offers suitable amount of salary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will no longer need to seek employment in other countries.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
reasons that rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are not stealing skilled manpower and there are various options that can
be adapted
to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from leaving their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay More students are moving from developing countries to developed countries. Are rich countries stealing talented people from poorer countries? How can people be encouraged to stay in their home country? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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