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More people than ever before are travelling to other countries now. Why? Is this a positive development or negative development? v.1

More people than ever before are travelling to other countries now. Why? Is this a positive development or negative development? v. 1
It is argued that a child's upbringing and development depends mostly on his parents, or other external aspects would be an important part of these processes. In my point of view, I have even regards to both of the beliefs, my essay will explain why both parents and outside elements share equal responsibility in terms of educating children. Father and mother are those whom a child interacts with first in their life. Because of this, parents initially their offspring on both personality and intelligence. An interview at the California University pointed out the fact that children would wholly have the same characteristics as their parents. Furthermore, the pace of making the first steps, being able to remember the alphabet, or speaking the first world relies on the parent's motivation. A scientific research at the Mom and Son laboratory showed that a child could learn how to speak faster when there is a motivation from either their mother or father comparing to those who do not receive the inspiration. However, this does not mean that a complete process of an offspring's development consists of only parents involving. Society is what harden the manner of a person. Though parents are responsible for the first movements of their child, they will not always be able to handle going along with him for the rest of his life due to aging. It is believed that a child who steps into the outside world as soon as he can, has the ability to solve tasks more quickly. In fact, this is true, the Cambridge university demonstrated that a child who faces many arduous activities around their world without the help of their parents is better at handling pressure and slightly becomes more successful. This busy society shows no tolerance towards those who are sluggish, additionally, to able to survive in the nowadays chaos, the ability to solve tasks alone needs to be trained since young. In conclusion, family and society pay equal responsibility for a person's early life because these two have an immense relationship with each other. Family helps the young prepare for the society, the society trains that human.
It
is argued
that a child's upbringing and development depends
mostly
on his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, or other external aspects would be an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of these processes. In my point of view, I have even regards to both of the beliefs, my essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and outside elements share equal responsibility in terms of educating children.

Father and mother are those whom a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
interacts with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
in their life.
Because of this
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
initially
their offspring on both personality and intelligence. An interview at the California University pointed out the fact that children would wholly have the same characteristics as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Furthermore
, the pace of making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
steps, being able to remember the alphabet, or speaking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
world relies on the parent's motivation. A scientific research at the Mom and Son laboratory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
could learn how to speak faster when there is a motivation from either their mother or father comparing to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not receive the inspiration.
However
, this does not mean that a complete process of an offspring's development consists of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
involving.

Society is what harden the manner of a person. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
movements of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, they will not always be able to handle going along with him for the rest of his life due to aging. It
is believed
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
steps into the outside world as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as he can, has the ability to solve tasks more
quickly
. In fact, this is true, the Cambridge university demonstrated that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
faces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arduous activities around their world without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is better at handling pressure and
slightly
becomes more successful. This busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
no tolerance towards those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are sluggish,
additionally
,
Did you mean "to be able"?
to able
to survive in the nowadays chaos, the ability to solve tasks alone needs to
be trained
since young.

In conclusion
, family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
pay equal responsibility for a person's early life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these two have an immense relationship with each other. Family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the young prepare for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
trains that human.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay More people than ever before are travelling to other countries now. Why? Is this a positive development or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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