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more people decided to have children in their later than in the past, why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? v.1

more people decided to have children in their later than in the past, why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? v. 1
Nowadays, it becomes current for people to have an offspring later than a few years ago. Many reasons are behind this new practice. In consequence, advantages and disadvantages will be outlined in this essay. First of all, the main advantages of this are get a job and travel. Indeed, contrarly to our ancestor who didn't have the chance to go to school. The new generation have the opportunity to have a job directly after being graduated. In this case, they generally prefer to report the time for a juvenile in order to be more focus in their work. Moreover, without children, it is most simple to travel around the world and discover a new culture. In fact, they can also do it with an infant, but without it they can feel more free and less preoccupied. For instance, many people decided to have a child around 40 years old because they would like to have the capacity to realise their dreams, such as go to America or be graduated before to share their life with them. However, one drawback can be the time spending with them. Have a baby make people feel completed. It is a privilege to have one and become parents. So, have an infant late does not give them the opportunity to live with them for a long time. For this reason, it is preferable to have a child around 30 years old and spend the time before for traveling and building their professional life. For example, it is possible to quote the professor Mark who in his article for the CNRS gives some statistics about the situation. Almost, 30% of the parents who have an offspring late (around 40 years old) lived only 20 years with them. In conclusion, to have a juvenile late could be on a one hand, the chance for people to work and go outside the country without being preoccupied by someone else. On the other hand, they cannot live with them enough. If it is managed properly, advantages could outweigh drawback
Nowadays, it becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have an offspring later than a few years ago.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
reasons are behind this new practice. In consequence, advantages and disadvantages will
be outlined
in this essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main advantages of this are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job and travel.
Indeed
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
contrarly
to our ancestor who didn't have the chance to go to school. The new generation have the opportunity to have a job
directly
after
being graduated
.
In this case
, they
generally
prefer to report the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for a juvenile in order to be more
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
their work.
Moreover
, without children, it is most simple to travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world and discover a new culture. In fact, they can
also
do it with an infant,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without
Consider adding a comma here.
it
they can feel more free and less preoccupied.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decided to have a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
40 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would like to have the capacity to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
their dreams, such as go to America or
be graduated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
to share their life with them.

However
, one drawback can be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spending with them. Have a baby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel completed. It is a privilege to have one and become parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, have an infant late does not give them the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with them for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For this reason
, it is preferable to have a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
30 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and spend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
for traveling and building their professional life.
For example
, it is possible to quote the professor Mark who in his article for the CNRS gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
statistics about the situation. Almost, 30% of the parents who have an offspring late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(around
40 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20 years with them.

In conclusion
, to have a juvenile late could be on a one hand, the chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work and go outside the country without
being preoccupied
by someone else.
On the other hand
, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. If it
is managed
properly
, advantages could outweigh
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
drawback
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay more people decided to have children in their later than in the past, why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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