Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? v.8

More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? v. 8
In the modern world, it is observed by some authorities and politicians that people have been preferring to be a parent later mid-ages when compared to the past. Economic reasons and career ambition have caused that the people postponed having a child. I believe that having a child in later age has more advantages not only individuals but also for society. First of all, the human population has been increasing rapidly for a long time. Due to the locations’ high density, the living cost has increased suddenly. Moreover, the cost of having a baby is extremely high. So, most of the couples have decided to birth a child after they stabilize their economic power. On the other hand, especially after the idea of liberalism have been spreading all over the world since 1980, people have become more selfish and only focused on their career. For instance, if a woman has a baby at 30 years old, which is the most important age for her career, she has to pause her career for a minimum of 2 years. High population in big cities mostly decreases the quality of the education system. If a society has a low number of students, the teachers are able to teach them more efficiently and productively. In other words, to have selected and quality people increase the production and profitability around the country. Moreover, to find a job is heavy for the citizens in the countries which have a huge population. If parents would choose to be parent later age, the population decreases, but at the same time, the unemployment rate will decline. On the other hand, the only disadvantage of this issue is a low workforce. But, after industry 4. 0, there will be no need people to work in factories because of the robots and machinery powers would do more work than a human being. In conclusion, in this contemporary world, people tend to have a child in a later age if compared with their parents. I am strongly convinced that, thanks to this situation, the countries and individuals have been benefited in many ways as aforementioned.
In the modern world, it
is observed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
authorities and politicians that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been preferring to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
mid-ages when compared to the past. Economic reasons and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
ambition have caused that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
postponed having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. I believe that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
has more advantages not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for society.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has been increasing
rapidly
for a long time. Due to the locations’ high density, the living cost has increased
suddenly
.
Moreover
, the cost of having a baby is
extremely
high.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, most of the couples have decided to birth a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
after they stabilize their economic power.
On the other hand
,
especially
after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of liberalism have been spreading all over the world since 1980,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more selfish and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focused on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
For instance
, if a woman has a baby at 30 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, which is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pause her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
for a minimum of 2 years.

High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities
mostly
decreases the quality of the education system. If a society has a low number of students, the teachers are able to teach them more
efficiently
and
productively
.
In other words
, to have selected and quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increase the production and profitability around the country.
Moreover
, to find a job is heavy for the citizens in the countries which have a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Consider removing 'would'. (Usually, 'would' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless to make a request or give a polite order.)
would choose
to be
Consider using a past participle here: "parented".
parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
decreases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time, the unemployment rate will decline.
On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
disadvantage of this issue is a low workforce.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, after industry 4. 0, there will be no need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work in factories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the robots and machinery powers would do more work than a human being.

In conclusion
, in this contemporary world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
if compared with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I am
strongly
convinced that, thanks to this situation, the countries and individuals have
been benefited
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways as aforementioned.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts